The irony of my last post: my sister wrote a blog and used the same exact xkcd comic.

See, we aren't original at all!
(Fail!)

I really like this layout, but it kind of perpetrates my gloom.  I need to put myself back together; acc HIMYM, I should be all better a year and a half from now.  So I need to start eventually; I just don't know if it is better for me not to think about it, or to think about it and sort out my feelings.  I'm leaning towards not thinking about it, because all together it doesn't make sense, and things with feelings sometimes just can't be rationalized.  I need to revamp my room, too, because there are traces of him everywhere.  ><

It's so nice to be home and to do nothing. (:

I will be getting new glasses soon.  It used to cost less when I was under 18 (the lenses anyways).  I feel kind of bad about how expensive glasses are, and how quickly I wear them out.  I kind of am thinking of getting colored contacts some time too.  It would be fun to have green eyes or something (:.  But then, as a cheap-asian I can't help feeling like that would be a waste of money when I can just use Photoshop.

Ah, I kind of need to put myself back together again.  It's not that I wanted to derive so much of my confidence in one person (ex), but it's just that when I was with him I finally learned to become more comfortable with my own skin (& personality).  So now that he doesn't care for me, I can't help wonder what about me was not good enough to keep his interest?  I always felt vibrant and passionate, but I guess even that isn't enough.  Life forces seem so much weaker when not in love; I feel like I have less to offer, and am less willing to give.  Blahhhh!  I don't know

This topic could be approached in a few different ways.

One could be the concept of sheep--(I haven't read Ayn Rand yet, so I can't confess to know the reference there) the general reference/image of the hoi polloi as sheep (sheeple ) or automatons.

Sheep--sometimes viewed positively [<--? depends on your stance], i.e. Biblical references to the Lord being a shepherd, and the believers as sheep.  At the same time, this could be negative, suggesting human weaknesses, since sheep are: dumb, directionless, defenseless^†.

Is it arrogant to look down upon the masses with social criticism that decries their decline?  For example, I find it exceedingly annoying to think that other people are so caught up in the life of celebrities and things that touch our lives where it pertains to entertainment.  Granted, entertainment does matter and does shape us, but the things that are focused on generally aren't the aspects of the entertainment that do enrich us.  The Yahoo!_® front page is constantly putting under the "Featured" content celeb gossip.  Really now?  Maybe I should just find a different website for my source of news (but as a sentimental person, I hesitate to part from my mailbox of several years).  How about putting things that matter in the featured content?  It isn't necessary to make the world boring with "matters of consequence"^‡, i.e. numerical statistics (which actually are often fascinating and/or depressing) or business-y things.  Honestly, I find StumbleUpon to be far more enriching than the Y! front page.  People reach for dime novels that are the same in essence with modified specifics rather than classics or books that require thinking. 

Oh wait, I just stumbled upon another one (sheep related re: Asch, group-thinksy/bystander apathy, etc. [many of these experiments are now considered unethical, so there are stricter standards out there nowadays!], & related to criticism and people).

I guess the thing I have the biggest complaint about is the decline in curiosity/excitement of discovery in many people.  I have a feeling that school is part way to blame, because learning is associated with homework/stress.  But then again we are the ones falsely associating those things. 

So the sheep argument.  Fair or not fair?  It has always been something that has existed, though the advent of mass-media has definitely expanded the size of the mass.  So perhaps at that way, we haven't declined, our masses have just conglomerated together.  But in some ways it isn't bad to think alike, such as with certain moral standards. 

Then again, we'd all like to think we are original, and we are thinkers.  But there are limitations to that all.  Is it even possible to have an original thought?  Beyond those new cutting edge discoveries in science (etc.) where new terminology is being formed, can we think original thoughts with the material we already have? 

But then again, when I dual enrolled at the local community college during high school, I took a class in which most of the class spazzed out at the thought of having to learn about things that looked complicated.  They started screaming and twitching when our professor joked about teaching about photosynthesis and the photosystems II and I (numbered according to the order discovered ).  Brittany and I laughed because we had learned about that a year ago from that time, when we were juniors.  I kind of lost a little faith in people that day.

Oh, digression.  From the psychology link:

"Though to be fair, if you were late for a
class, did your professor ever accept, "I had to stop and help a
wounded traveler" as an excuse? Probably not unless you could produce
the guy's blood-stained shirt as evidence."

Brittany and I did stop for a baby bird on our way to that class to save it.  We were late and missed the quiz, but our prof did let us make it up, and laughed at our honest excuse.  We aced that class.

---

Another could be about how many intellectuals use their intelligence (and hence social awkwardness) as an excuse to not be able to communicate with people of average understanding.

Sure, some people really are more endowed naturally with dealing with people and situations; others, books and discovery.  But people who are less cerebral are still forced to go to school (to a certain extent).  So perhaps bookies like myself ought to learn to deal better with people.    I think I carry on alright despite my awkwardness.

But many doctors, scientists, & professors EPIC FAIL at communicating important information. & failure to communicate some information simply makes their work moot, until someone else can decipher it and make it accessible.

---

Yet another, the amount of faith we put into our ability to understand and digest things.

So much to chew upon, but I am tired.

"In fruit flies, sex is determined independently in each cell in the course of development.  Those cells that are XX express female traits; those that are XO express male traits.  Such sexual mosaics are called gynandromorphs".

That would be confusing. 

There are way too many ways for life to go wrong; it is insane how delicate we all really are, and in many ways miraculous that so many relatively normal people exist.  Sometimes we all take things like our health and normality for granted.  It isn't always good to be unique .  Genetically anyways.  (Though variation is necessary for survival).

On the same note, I found another dried up dead fruit fly in my notebook.  It's like a pressed flower, except in fly form.  Ha. 

Today, looking at a picture of the acetylation of histone proteins reminded me of riding a roller coaster (and how I can't wait for freedom!).  FML.

I've been studying my ass off all of today! 

My genetics book is amazing by the way.  Half ass or wild ass? 

(Apparently cursing brings pain relief.  Maybe that is why I've been spewing obscenities so much lately! .  Better break the habit before I get home!)

I want to learn to cook some real food, not those silly canned and frozen foods.  Over the break, my aunt and mom questioned me about what I have been eating here, and I guess I kind of minimized what I have been doing to reduce the amount of explanation needed.  Not that I didn't want to communicate; I just feel kind of awkward responding to both in English when they ask me in Chinese; then they feel obligated to speak to me in English instead.  I kind of wish my Chinese would improve, but I don't feel like I have much of an affinity for it.  I'm not bad with Spanish, but it is so much more similar to English than things like Chinese.  If I had practiced or studied Spanish more after high school, I think my Spanish at its highest point is better than my current Chinese.  Fail!  So 5-year old me was more fluent in Chinese then my current self. 

Which reminds me, I should probably brush up on that Spanish before going to Peru! 

We need an Ice Monster in Florida!  I bet they'd succeed really nicely here. The weather here is a lot like that of Taiwan (hot, moist).

Basically, shaved ice topped with fresh fruits.  Condensed milk drizzled all over.  Yumsies!  In Taiwan they had a combo of mango/kiwi/strawberry that I didn't see listed on their website.  But I also saw a bunch of different options on there that I didn't see when in Taiwan.

I finally finished my lab report last night maybe around 2:30 (this morning, whatever).  It made me sad to know thatm y lab report was longer than my extended essay.  But it was lame of them; they made us combine three experiments into one lab report.  The introduction was long, but the materials and methods was just monstruous. 

Brief rant (I'm so full of complaints, goodness).

So last night my roommates were extremely noisy.  It seems as though they need to shout to talk to each other.  I woke up several times because they were noisy.  But this has occurred periodically this semester--certainly not every day, but maybe once or twice a week.  When my sleep is interrupted I have a higher chance of being grumpy or really tired the next day.  I should go talk to them, but I feel kind of like that is just their way of communicating with each other.  They're just the loud sort of people.  (But 3 AM, really?)  :.

I picked my brother up from the airport yesterday.  He had been in Cali for some debate/public speaking camp that he wanted to go to.  I don't think I would ask to be tortured like that .  But I guess it was something he needed?  I feel kind of bad that I couldn't be more entertaining and attentive, but I have a lot to do!  Which is why I shouldn't be here ranting, but my overall grumpy feelings kind of needed to be spilled out some how.

Less than two more weeks to endure!  I have to get as much of my lab report done tonight so I'm not overwhelmed tomorrow night.  & I have an ARC meeting.  & a ton of reading to do for genetics.

So much to do!  The weeks are crunching down, Summer C is almost over! 

Yesterday I went with mis padres to visit my aunt/uncle/second-cousin.  We ate lunch together and hung out for a bit.  Then the parents wanted to go for a walk at Wall Spring, or something like that.  It was hot, but there were a ton of birds, so my parents were thrilled.  Then we congregated at my cousin's place again, and then we grabbed dinner (pizza! Which was delish, and the first time I've had pizza in about 8 weeks! !), and then went to take a boat to watch the fireworks.  I think we were at Clearwater for that, and the line to get on the boat was long, hot, and the parking was wretched.  The fireworks were beautiful, this was my favorite shot, which I texted to a few to also enjoy:

(No point zooming in since blurry , but that's the best my celly can do!)

It was actually raining in the morning, so I was worried.  But by night time the weather was better, albeit hot.  We saw several dolphins before it turned dark also.

I can't wait to be done.  I feel almost burned out--I only had a week off between Spring semester and Summer, and during the summer we've only had and will only have 2 days off (no more days off)!  It's pathetic, I know.  I saw my second-cousin, Jon, who is in med school, and he has even less time off.  I hope I can up my endurance before then!  I'm still not sure what to do with myself.  7 years, or 8 years?  Right now I am accelerated enough with my classes so I can finish in 6.5 years, I think, actually.  So I can take the accelerated track.  But I have a lot of random interests that I'd like to pursue.  And Jon said he recommended that I take more of those random classes, since once med school starts, the only thing I will have is science science science.  I really love science (nerd!) so that isn't a problem, but I like to keep myself pretty balanced.

Ugh!  I just don't want to think about moving out.  That is just a headache in itself.

Can you help me find a way to carry on again.
Plain torture.  ><

He once wrote,

I would only be embarrassed if I said things I didn't mean.  Things I didn't feel. 
But then again I am a little embarrassed only because it's something I wouldn't do.  So I guess it is better stated that I would regret only if I didn't mean the things I said or felt.  So I am embarrassed, but I don't regret.

Don't read too much into this!  I've just been needing to clear things from my system.

I'm getting a little better though!  But I don't think I'll be able to trust like that again.  I need to learn to close myself a little, even from the people I trust.  It is scary to be that vulnerable.  Ah, but I do not know if it is in me to be less open.  Sometimes I feel dishonest when I don't share things.  I used to keep everything to myself.  Everything.  But my sister told me that I wasn't doing justice to the people who cared about me, since by not sharing, it seemed like I didn't trust them.  In reality, I just thought that it would be better not to trouble people with my troubles.  Now I share plenty!  Maybe too much.  People who have vague ideas of me probably see me as one of those caged, boring book smart people, but I'm actually pretty warm and very caring and loyal.  I am only bound by my own mind and standards (psh, rules ).
 
Ah!  It was sunny a moment ago, and then I heard the sound of rain and apparently it is raining now!  Hope it clears up so I can enjoy some fireworks.

Happy July Fourth, btw!

Agh!  I've been working on the website for our Am. Red Cross Club here at USF, and it's SOOOO much work, which I don't mind, but the pres keeps asking me to update it and make changes EVERYWHERE.  I don't think he has any idea how tedious and long it takes me to even umake some of the 'small' changes that he wants.  I've spent over 15 hours on the website already.  And these 'small' changes (changes in things like menus) means I have to change EVERY SINGLE PAGE.  That's 20 different pages that I have to change, and then I have to make everything line up perfectly, and then I have to edit the HTML so everything works.  And it is SO disheartening everytime I see a new list of things I need to change.  UGHHHH.  I don't mind the work, but stop rushing me.  It already takes forever and is stressful particularly for me since I have some perfectionist issues.  ><

Sorry, rant.