July 4, 2009
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He once wrote,
Don't be embarrassed! I love you!
Walk with no shame=bad too though.
Embarrassment helps keep us moral creatures.I would only be embarrassed if I said things I didn't mean. Things I didn't feel.
But then again I am a little embarrassed only because it's something I wouldn't do. So I guess it is better stated that I would regret only if I didn't mean the things I said or felt. So I am embarrassed, but I don't regret.Don't read too much into this! I've just been needing to clear things from my system.
I'm getting a little better though! But I don't think I'll be able to trust like that again. I need to learn to close myself a little, even from the people I trust. It is scary to be that vulnerable. Ah, but I do not know if it is in me to be less open. Sometimes I feel dishonest when I don't share things. I used to keep everything to myself. Everything. But my sister told me that I wasn't doing justice to the people who cared about me, since by not sharing, it seemed like I didn't trust them. In reality, I just thought that it would be better not to trouble people with my troubles. Now I share plenty! Maybe too much.
People who have vague ideas of me probably see me as one of those caged, boring book smart people, but I'm actually pretty warm and very caring and loyal. I am only bound by my own mind and standards (psh, rules 
).
Ah! It was sunny a moment ago, and then I heard the sound of rain and apparently it is raining now! Hope it clears up so I can enjoy some fireworks.Happy July Fourth, btw!
