But I have suddenly taken a backtrack through the millions of Xangas I have had.  Not even kidding.

Xanga #1, started 8/16/2003.  My first entry on there goes as follows (please excuse my spelling, grammar, etc. I was such a dork back then–and still am ):

Feel free to gag.  (Oh goodness, I even scrambled the HTML!  The rest of my entries, I think, were pretty much just random blurbs of me writing entries to people who would never read my entries, or being an AZN PRIDE dork).  This Xanga appeared after my first year at TiP and I frequently corresponded with my former roommate on there and experimented with HTML (<–my roomie made tutorials on that back then).

Then I messed up the HTML to the point where my Xanga was no longer functional (all the links were gone, and the page was pretty much blank).  Oops!  So, then I started Xanga #2 on 8/23/2003.  I think I went back and forth on these two Xangas after fixing the problems.  But #2 was used heavily after my second year of TiP.  I posted a lot of silly photos on there, and it had some of my silly thoughts from middle school (cringe).  First entries:

	I’m so sad, and angry…and I don’t kno what to do about it!!*sobs*, and *pouts* Oh, i don’t kno what to do….*freaking out, obviously*
	8:32 PM – 1 view – add eprops – add comments – email it

	Google. (click there, and poof u’ll b there!)
	8:30 PM – 1 view – add eprops – add comments – email it

	I just added the song Graduation by Vitamin C.It is a cool song…reminds me of TIP!!hehe.:)
	8:11 PM – 1 view – add eprops – add comments – email it

	hmmm…well, you can visit my other xanga, but i don’t kno wut to do with it. *really angry*
	8:07 PM – 1 view – add eprops – add comments – email it

	Hey this is my other Xanga…the other one is screwy. grrr. i can’t figure out what happened, so now i’m really mad!! grrrrrrrr. okies, i’ll try not to be mad…but all my hard workkkkk!!!
	7:57 PM – 1 view – 1 eprop – 1 comment – email it

Re-reading that, the current me pretty much was thinking about former me, “AH! STOP WHINING! YOU ARE SUCH A DORK [shut up]“.  =) 

Xanga #3 was born pretty much the summer high school would begin.  I did a lot of ranting about freshman life and agonies.  My first entry:

	whee…this is mel, I think i’m gonna try to centrallize things on to one username, maybe…i think this is my 9th xanga WoW…i kno
	11:55 AM – 1 view – star – add a thought – send

Oops, no longer true.  [Hey, there is some improvement--thoughts and stars instead of Propz; I am very ambivalent on the usage of z's] I have little side Xangas too, one for random notes, one for biology notes, one for history notes (no, I don’t use all three much/any more).  Also, I have 2 testing site Xangas, and several secret Xangas (rants! and no, I’m not going to expose all of my past here by linking them all ).  Actually, this one started off as a rant Xanga.  Then of course I had some that I used to share with people (I think one active , one I changed the password when I was angry [I know, bad!] but have yet to change it back [oops], three inactive).  Then I had several that I would host pictures on (so that the pictures wouldn’t distort the page), and one dedicated to a camp (photos and our camp song went on there).  It is hard keeping track of all of them =(.  I’ve changed some.  A lot?  Mmm, not sure.  [But now I get good kicks out of my posts on kiddie crushes that I took so seriously back in the days ].

Hehe.

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I wonder how many times I have tracked my own Xanga changes and posted links for some and no links for others.  I have a feeling I have done this before.  //suddenly realizes//

O_O 

Time.

My enemy!  What the hell; it lays great friendships in ruins, or in tattered awkward phrases. 

I cannot help feeling ashamed of all the friendships that I have failed to maintain.  It is hard keeping together all the ones that do remain.

Friends.  I remember here, first ‘best friend’: it was pre-kindergarten, and we would play doctor together with our plastic kits.  Swing sets, sand boxes.  Oh, we loved sifting sand.

Then there was the one in kindergarten–we met on a tire swing, wearing dainty little dresses. 

Life kept changing for me–I switched schools, from Cornerstone to South Ocala–Cornerstone was too boring, all we did was play dress-up, so I had to go.  New friends, another ‘best friend’, we played with Barbie then and walked to each others houses–we were in neighboring neighborhoods.  Icing on the nose on birthdays, bright-colored obviously fake make-up, not subtle at all.  She moved away.  Alabama strikes my life a bit later again.

A bit later, a few years, third grade: new circle of friends with a new school, now Dr. N.H. Jones Elementary.  This time, we pretend to be Spice Girls, and have mini fashion shows.  We are the stars.

The year changes, new classes, new friends–rarely see those past Spice Girls again.  The new friends, now numbering 4 of us in a tight group: we attempt to design an environmental car in a secret project–we collaborated by bringing in car designs and creating ways to self-generate power, i.e. solar, motor…we’re a serious bunch, but fun loving.  One moves to Gainesville, but the 4 of us keep in touch well until the end of 6th grade, when another moved away to South Florida and then Louisiana…I also leave, switching schools again (Howard –> Osceola).  The foursome, we occasionally meet up year to year.  Miracles of technology ..yes I am grateful!  Then we have had patchy communication–a few had Xanga, though probably no more.  Facebook, yes we’re all there now.  But after middle school, I can’t say our friendships have quite been the same.  Nonetheless, they are huge parts of my life (i.e. my fish-fetish ;D).

From my Howard days also; we would escape the boredoms of home ec. and other Wheel classes together through stories and drawing…I learned a lot from her and we had a lot in common.  It was hard leaving Howard, certainly not for the academic rigor (ha.), but because of the friends I had established there.

Then, TiP.  I could dedicate pages to my friends from there.  And those friendships, had distance not been an issue and school work–life and business/busy-ness, would have lasted–forever?  My roommate my first year easily became one of my best friends in 3 short weeks.  Despite non-overlapping music tastes, we found so much in common and had so many inside jokes.  We attended dances together, giggled, ‘stole’ (borrowed) hats, ate ice cream, and watched kids through water balloons out windows and light socks on fire (etc.).  We kept in touch for a year or so, but that gradually diminished.  (Why did so many people leave Xanga?  We kept in touch so very well when she still used it..).  Time?  Perhaps I’ll blame time again.

Second year I escaped with two more best friends–I still keep in touch with both, though decreasingly.  So I won’t elaborate, I’ll try harder, time allowing?  One has a LiveJournal, now book-marked for better keeping in touch.  The other, I rely on snail-mail.

My third year friends, SO MANY NICE PEOPLE!  But that happened every-year.  There is one that I started writing again.  I hope we can pick up what’s left and improve it(?).  Then, between 3rd and 4th year, a new friend appeared.  Alabama!  Ah!  Long distance.  Yes, we were friends a year before…

Fourth year.  Cool!  We’re still keeping in touch.  Time hasn’t done it’s damage here yet too, except to make me a little grouchier when time elapses between visits.  Cooler yet, it has been over 2 years and 1 month since we’ve begun…Thanks Skype, thanks AIM, thanks T-Mobile!  Aieeeeeeee.

SSTP:  AH! 2, but I failed to keep in touch.  I failed.  And I will take the blame, though I point my fingers at the clock.

High school.  Ah!  This is the cross-road!  I always choose: keep in touch.  Does it happen?  I don’t know!!  I always hope so, but that doesn’t mean that it will.  Friends, let’s not let time tear us apart!!

My sister (always)!  A best friend for life!  But Duke!  You have taken her so far, and she is amongst friends that are strangers to me!  Our common area of a Venn Diagram shrinks!!  It’s harder to relate!    We rely on breaks.

What to do?  How to preserve?  How to defeat time???