blah blah

  • Who needs scrambled eggs when you can have scrambled thoughts?

    (Random update)
    (& just kidding, I love eating scrambled eggs :) , even with scrambled thoughts).

    –The mail room smells wonderful; didn’t get any mail though :[
    --My mail-box is terrible.  It is too tall for me, so I have to tip toe to try to see the numbers when turning the lock/combination thing.  Can they offer a booster for shorties please?  :'(
    --Got hit by the door on the way out of the mail room (tired? or maybe just pathetic) o_x

    --Was productive again tonight, updating the UGRB website, finally, though I'm still waiting on a lot of information before I can seriously update it.  
    --Was in the library for a few hours; until they put some message on loop.  The library is now open 24/5.  (I think minus weekends?).  But that's actually a lie.  Only the first floor is open 24/5.  So the message telling us to relocate was on loop and it was loud and annoying.  Meh.  And there's not very much space on the first floor to work, so I decided to leave.  Now I'm being unproductive.  Eh.
    --Dumb decision of the day: drank coffee on semi-empty stomach (had a double chocolaty chip frap before that).  Heh.  My stomach was sort of noisy in the library.  Didn't help that it was quiet in there for once.  Fortunately I chose a semi-empty/cozy corner. :)
      --The cubicle thing I was in was one I had sat in before!  It has [ir]religious graffiti on it (people scribbling back and forth about God/lack thereof.  I think that’s the third time I’ve ended up at that booth, which is weird because it seems like the booth/cubicle is being shifted around then?  It was weird to look at since someone drew eyes that stared at me, and devil horns.  Fortunately I opened my computer so I couldn’t see it anymore.
      –It’s kinda weird to see religious/non debates when I’m still in the process of thinking this stuff through.  But I’m taking it slowly/easily.  I like reading some of the stuff in the book of Proverbs :) , regardless of faith, wisdom can still be found:

    “It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way” Proverbs 19:2

       …

    –Failed the first o-chem quiz of the semester!  Ugh not again!!  Yay…(FML).  Exam in less than a week.  FML!!!!!!

    On the brightside, some things are working in my favor:
    –My group for sea kayaking meets next week instead of this week
      –I have a Red Cross mtg tomorrow, so that means I can actually go there early to help set-up etc.!
      –Personal reasons O_o (would be classified TMI)
    –My First-Aid group is going tomorrow
      –That means I don’t have to go to class on Monday –> I can have more free time Monday to cram for o-chem exam!!

    –I love my astronomy class!!  And Excel! :)   We made model planets to scale and had to walk across school to try to make the distance to scale too.  Well, we didn’t have ways to measure other than with a 1-ft ruler, so we decided to just approximate everything.  I didn’t realize how tiny Mercury was, relative to Earth; and everything is so far away!!  The stuff I learn in class just blows my mind.  I mean a lot of it isn’t new, but I can’t help feeling really small [and insignifcant..].  I think that the existence of other life in other solar systems (or whatever) is definitely plausible, given the magnitude of the universe, but I guess I never thought about the amount of time it would take to reach those places.  Thus, the chances of us meeting those “aliens” are pretty slim.  That could be good or bad (if you read “A Wrinkle in Time” you might be like me and actually think some of them would be really nice/nurturing/pleasant to meet :) ).  In a way, though life is teeming on Earth, it is kind of a lonely existence.
      –BTW, there is this AWESOME program called “Stellarium“.  It is free to download and pretty much shows you real time information about where there stars are at your specific location (if you give it your coordinates or type in the city you’re in), and gives you information about specific planets or stars, constellations, etc.!  :)  
        –Couldn’t help but to think, if I end up not getting married/and/or having kids, then maybe I’ll spend a bunch of my money to buy an awesome projector or a few, and project images from that program or something like that.  Like a miniature personal planetarium or whatever they’re called.  (:  I guess kids might like that too though, so maybe even if I do end up hitting up that path…

    Future = ?????????

      –With my extra model magic, I made a few things:

    snailpot

      –Someone has been watching me type; it’s been really awkward:

    creepydolphin

    (Lol.  And you can see me cheating with time right?  So I write my entry on Notepad so it doesn’t subtract from my 30 minutes of Xanga?)  When I was little dolphins were my favorite of animals for a while.  One of the first clay sculptures/things I made was actually a dolphin.  It’s snout/nose didn’t survive the kiln, so it might’ve been thrown away (it’s tail and flippers probably didn’t either…so I probably just had a grey barrel, lol.  Fail!).

    –Been not as good about keeping up with Xanga lately because I’ve been busy/stressed & slightly bummed (thinking too much, you know?). Been catching up in spurts, or trying to!
    –I think I’m going to delete some of the “Friend”s on Xanga who I don’t interact with but post a lot a lot.  Not trying to be hostile, just trying to shower more attention on my real Xanga-friends :) …less spamsie stuffs.

  • Some thoughts

    There’s an article on Yahoo!® titled:

    How not to feel humiliated when dining alone”

    Why do people feel humiliated when eating alone in public?  I know when I was younger it bothered me, but I actually like it now.  I guess back then I didn’t want to seem like I might be friendless.  But why worry now?  I know I have friends, so why should I care what random person A thinks of me?  They probably don’t even think anything of it.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone sitting alone and thought any less of them?  I might actually think they’re cooler actually. :)   It’s nice to find quitet time during these bustling days.  Being around so many people constantly actually saps a lot of energy out of me.  O_O


    I sort of want to get a Netbook…not because it’s cute, in fact I like having space on my keyboard and all that.  But I’m just weird about my stuff.  My laptop isn’t new or old (1.5 year?).  I noticed a clicking sound on my laptop dearest when I was shutting the lid and for some reason that made me totally flip out, on the inside of course.  I’m generally pretty collected/reserved?  It also bothers me a lot that the left click button is getting sticky from overuse.  Also, the other day I unplugged my laptop and had it at the dimmest setting possible.  It *died* after 48 minutes.  The battery is failing me–48 minutes isn’t enough to last through an entire lecture, even the short ones here (short=50 minutes…but when it’s organic, 50 minutes=eternity?  Just kidding, sometimes).  I know it’s my own fault for leaving it plugged in all the times, but otherwise it just gets dim and either gives me a headache (dim light does that to me a lot), or just is hard to see.  A Netbook isn’t too expensive, and the batteries should last longer, so it would be nice to get one.  But having two laptops might be excessive for a college student?  I mean with a lot of classes I take notes the old-fashioned way anyways (esp classes like organic where I spend half the time drawing structures or graphs or other stuff x_x).  But it’d still be nice to be able to take my laptop out somewhere without it having to be plugged into a wall or something.  And adding a battery pack might solve the power problem, but the portability is greatly diminished.  Mehhhh.


    I feel like I have been happy but really down at the same time lately.  I hope it isn’t making me seem moody.  But from time to time I just want to rip this heart to shreds.  :’(  I live a decent life, but some days are so meh and FML-esque, and for no good reasons either?  Why should I have to convince myself that I am happy, why can’t I just be?

  • So this is the New Year…

    and I don’t feel any different.

    Sometimes I feel like I’d be a bad mother because when I see my cat cower, I laugh.  It’s New Years Eve which means the fireworks scare him witless. :P   But I care about him a lot :], such a cutie!

    .: Happy New Years! :.

    I was going to look back at resolutions to see if I had any success with them, but apparently I didn’t make any last year! 
    a) I had already given up on them

    -Am I too young to be a little cynical about resolutions? 
    -Or am I too young to make resolutions? 
    -Or none of the above

    b) I was too busy (apparently I got back at the same time from LA)

    Oops, fail!  Well, I know one thing I’ve been wanting to do for a long time was improve my journal keeping skills, whether online or written; and I think Xanga has helped me a lot with this goal.  (:  Cheers!

    Another goal was to lose weight–I accomplished this on accident, though maybe California undid some of that.  :P   But next year/this coming year should be better, definitely.  I will hit the gym at least once a week…since I have a class there once a week (sea kayaking!)…maybe it isn’t at the gym?  I’m not really sure.  Since it is sea kayaking. But the important point is that I will work harder to make myself healthier in a healthy way. :] 

    One day I want to do a triathlon, but I don’t think this year is the year, since I have MCATs looming at the end of summer possibly (which reminds me I need to sign up for that -_-).

    Which brings me to a sad point for me: I think I’m going to have to decrease my already decreased Xanga involvement.  I’ve been having a lot of fun, but I think I’m going to have to limit it until post MCATs.  Back when SATs were looming in the distance, I took an hour out of every day to study for the writing portion of the SATs for maybe half a year.  I was able to increase my score from a low 500 to a high 700.  I think If I can push myself to study for MCATs maybe I won’t have to go to some place like Kaplan.  But then again, it’s really hard to push to study that sort of stuff, so I might have to take a cram class come summer anyways.  But my goal is to study some everyday this school year. 

    My schedule should be lighter, so that should make my goal a little more attainable.  It’s been a while since I’ve pushed myself to study for stupid standardized exams, but it’ll be worth it.  And I think it’s important for me to understand a lot of the things anyways :], so hopefully studying won’t be a pain.  It’s hard sometimes not to mix my own interest with a feeling of dread since it is easy to relate school stuff with stress and thus learning with stress.  But a lot of it is just attitude.  I usually find myself to feel really ashamed when I start finding what I’m learning to be a pain…I might let organic chem to be an exception; except when I was little I thought chemistry would be one of the more exciting sciences.  And I used to beg my dad to tell me about elements and what different elements were needed for…(I guess gen chem stuff then).  But still…

    I think I’ll keep using Leechblock to limit Xanga time to 30 minutes a day.  Which might not sound like a lot, but relative to the amount of time I’ve spent on many a night this past year, it is a really small amount.  I might also deactivate my Facebook, but I think I’m going to wait until the school year starts, that way I can at least keep in contact with my USF friends until getting back…but I’m concerned that I won’t be able to keep in contact with friends away from USF, so I might not deactivate…><  I have time to decide. 

    So goals/resolutions:
    Academic
    –Learn!  Yay, can’t wait for things like Astronomy and First Aid! !!
    –Better understanding –>Better grades…it’s like a two for one deal! :]
    –MCAT…:[  Only want to take it once, so the goal is to do well first time through.  If not, then I can take the 4+4 year route instead of 7 year accelerated, I guess. No sweat, technically.  But who wants to drill for a 5ish hour test more than once?  Need to get over a 30. 
    --Shadowing and research

    Non-academic 
    --Be a better friend

    -Be more understanding
    Sometimes it's hard not to expect exact reciprocation from friends; but I have come to realize that we all express and do things differently.  I can't expect them to do the same things I do; doesn't mean they don't care as much as I do.  (If you see this, Michelle, sorry for being harsh-ish; I haven't been kind to you as my permanent BFF and sister :) )...

    -Try to keep in touch better

    --> better pen pal maybe too?  Owe a letter that received on Halloween...a few months late...again.  (*Facepalm*)

    -Other

    --Be happier
    --Learn to relax more
    --Sing more frequently; dance around a little more

    (shut blinds when doing this!!--I discovered that people in fact can see into my room from outside [I'm on the third floor, so I thought they couldn't...])

    –Better organization, time management
    –Be healthier

    -Learn to cook !!  (This could be its own separate category also)
    -Exercise more

    I think these are pretty humble resolutions–not unrealistic, but probably not all attainable in one year; a lot of it could be attitude adjustments which can be a lifetime struggle.  But at least I’m recognizing these things…

    Ah, time in Vegas gave me too much time to think (no internet while there).

    But I should start off the New Year in a happy mood!  Not sure what I’m doing tomorrow; the parental unit wants to go to Gainesville to see friends from Chinese school, but I don’t really want to join them; the years before when I did join them I had to end up spending my new years and/or Christmas babysitting their friends’ kids.  Not the most terrible thing, but not exactly the most fun either.  Wish I could get some sparklers…but fireworks (etc.) are like burning money…(but they’re so fun).  The Asian in me is torn.  Lol.

    Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey!
    (1901 — Phoenix has been stuck in my head for a while…specifically that part)

    P.S. Blue moon!

  • California

    So I’ve been in California for the past week; it’s been quite a delightful stay–full of family, friends, and food.  ;)   Some of the most important f-words (also, please note alliteration).  Here’s a rundown of what I’ve done of thoughts/what I’ve done:

    Saturday-

    Arrived in CA and us kids were picked up by Mitch to stop by a party at his apt.  We stopped by In-n-out, which was quite tasty.  Anyhow, it was a sweater party :o ) (I don’t think I actually have a colorful/unusually festive sweater though).  At one point, his roomies and friends invited us to join them in playing Cranium.  However, only my little brother ended up joining, which me and my sister were surprised about since from what he’s shown in the past we would’ve thought he would be too shy or cling to us/refuse to join without one of us sitting by his side.  And he fared pretty well socializing/interacting with people he didn’t know.  That made me really happy–I think me and my sister’s absences have given him more space to grow up (less meddling :P ) and also forced him to be slightly more assertive/less awkward without us as a crutch. :)   We used to worry a lot about him being socially awkward (coming from me, that’s sad, since I’m somewhat awkward too -_-), but I’m not as worried now :) .  I tried a Smirnoff Ice, which reminded me of lemonade.  I was also surprised that my brother didn’t harass me for drinking that either, because he used to always make fun of my sister when alcohol was around.  But that might also be because alcohol seems to make my sister hyper.  And so far, it doesn’t do anything to me, other than diuretic (TMI, lol) and glowing properties.  Haha, when we got back my parents smelled the beer in my sister’s breath but didn’t catch me :) ..not that they really care much either.  They just laughed at her for it and sort of wagged their fingers. 
    Sort of out of order here, but on the drive back my sister and brother passed out in the car, and I talked about music with my cousin for a while.  :)   There’s a lot of music that I’m going to explore now.
    Anywho, at my grandma’s house where she had ridiculous amounts of food awaiting us.  Then sleep.  My staying up late the days before the trip helped me adjust a lot faster to Cali time.  (:

    Sunday-

    Went for a walk in a nearby park with my family and gramps.  The weather was amazing, and I was excited about how large the squirrels were (Cecelia–I wanted to send you a picture, but I forgot my phone!).  I was also excited about how the leaves here were actually fall colors, unlike in Florida where leaves pretty much go straight from green to brown.  I miss out on the lovely red and golds each year :[...always tied up by school.  (Seriously, we should petition for a fall break for USF; that way we can get a small break and also maybe get to see some real autumn!).

    After lunch, we drove out to USC so I could visit my friend Gracie.  After reaching campus, we met up in the parking lot of Superior and Dollar Dollar (haha, Dolla dolla).  My family went up stairs just to talk for a while with Gracie and Tina (her sister), and her friend Michael before leaving.  After preparing dinner, we decided to make Chocolate Souffle, but Tina fell asleep and missed out on all the baking.  The souffle was not extremely difficult, but a hassle to make since there were so many steps.  However, it turned out quite tasty (not hard to make chocolate containing foods tasty..).  We then watched the second Pirates of the Caribbean movie, and then went to sleep.

    Monday-

    I went for a bike ride around campus with Gracie--there were so many fountains, and the buildings all looked really nice!  We then left USC with her friend Roland to eat dim sum at New Capital (Rosemead)...the food was delicious and really cheap for dim sum (we feasted until we had to practically roll out of the restaurant, and it amounted to $10 per person...this is how I felt (how I feel after I gorge too much, always visualize myself this way):
    blueberry

    We then went to Hawaii (Asian grocery store across the street) and bought a ton of meat for the camping trip we decided to have.  They had amazing boba outside--they even used fresh mangoes in my drink--and it was so cheap compared to the boba prices I have to pay in Tampa ($1.25 versus $4.00!)...

    Returned to gramps place and finally saw my cousins Austin & Angela!  I think we went shopping that night...I feel like every time I see them we do a lot of shopping and watch a lot of TV; but it's fun (:.
    I was a little upset that night since I failed to accomplish one of my missions I had set out to do, but it's all good now :) .  I'll just postpone it.  I guess I was ticked off at my own planning fail and also because I'm one of those people who likes to always do what I say I will do, since I think being reliable is so important.  :)

    Tuesday-

    Spent the morning packing for the camping trip; can't remember much after that until the actual camp trip.  Oh, and we ate ridiculous amounts of dim sum, my favorite being either shrimp dumplings or shrimp cheong fun.  We ordered five orders (so 15 of them) of the latter, but my cousins also love them too.
    Camping trip -- Seating arrangement:
    Gracie's car--Michelle, Austin, Michael J;
    Roland's car--Michael F, Angela, Tina, me!
    (It's amazing how fast they drove...no further comments in case mom reads this >_>.)

    We slept a lot of the way there...by the time we arrived at Joshua Tree NP,  it was completely dark and we had no phone reception to tell the 'rents that we arrived.  The wind was ridiculous, it was biting cold, and it wasn't easy setting up a tent with only flashlights and car headlights.  The wind was killing our fire though.  It took us forever to get the fire going, and when we gave up on it, it flared up and started to burn.  Life works that way...we don't always find what we're looking for if we look too hard...got to step back sometimes. :)   Before the fire came to life, a few girls went to search for help from other campers for maybe ignition fluid or something; one guy gave them a bunch of wood chips to try using (smaller than our giant logs --> easier to start?).  Apparently he said other people stopped by but he didn't really help them since they were a bunch of guys :P .
    Grilled a bunch of meat and "hobo feast" minus potatoes (zuchini/squash).  The meat was amazing...:).  We then invited over the guy who helped out with our fire.  He was a USC student too, but he was at their med school, I think he said a first year (but he said he's in his 30s and was a PA before).  We made s'mores, and it started to SNOW! !! !   (It's exciting for Floridians..).  We also played some games before he left, and then just hung out by the fire.  It was freezing.  And once we were out of wood we decided to all pile in one tent instead of two tents, so we'd maybe have a little more body heat.  We managed to fit nine in a five person tent.  Success!  It was freezing all night and most of us didn't sleep well.  It was pretty lame.  One of the things I had been looking forward to was the clear desert sky and the brilliant stars I was expecting to see.  However, the sky was shrouded with clouds that sprinkled snow on us.  No stars...until I kept waking up at strange hours and could see the stars through the tent window/screen.  Then I wasn't excited to see stars because it meant hours before light, which meant I needed to lay still longer without disturbing others...it was hard to fall asleep every time I awoke. 

    Wednesday-

    Finally around 630 several of us got up and decided to try catching the sunrise...it was a fail. 
    One funny moment--A&A left the tent to use the bathroom; right when
    they were coming back I had decided that I wanted to get a picture of
    the campsite at dawn but was too lazy to get out into the cold, so I
    just stuck my arm through bottom of the tent door. Right when they got
    back they saw my arm pop out...I guess it's just one of those things
    where you have to be there to think it was funny.  Or it probably just
    looked funny.
    Tina, Austin, Michael J, and I went in town to get hot breakfasts, but by the time we got back everyone else had already feasted on ramen...(it was about 20 miles to get to town from our campsite).  What we found was a delicious and cute bakery with such tasty treats...the teacakes were amazing and so was the bread (fresh out of the oven! n_n!).  We also grabbed some eggs and bacon, and 8 subs for us to split after hiking.  We returned to find the site abandoned and the rest of our group on top of a rock far away (waving at us).  We feasted inside of the tent and they joined us a while later.  We then packed up, and drove about looking for rocks to climb all over.  It was quite pleasant!
    I was pointing out this cool plant that had a triangular shape, and accidentally got stabbed by it...it didn't hurt that much, but it bled a bit.  Now I'm trying to find it online but I'm sort of failing at it. -_-  I don't think I've had such a Google searching fail. "Triangle shaped desert plant", "flora Joshua Tree NP", "triangle desert succulent"???, I can't quite figure what category it falls under, but I think desert succulent is right, as opposed to shrub/tree...-_- And I think I didn't take a picture since I was distracted by my finger/figured I probably took a picture of one when I saw them last year.
    We finished off our subs and then started driving back towards LA; but we stopped by Cabazon outlet mall...which was ridiculous.  I'm not a super big shopper as in I wouldn't put it under my "hobbies", but I guess sales make things significantly more exciting.  I stopped by Puma where everything was 50%; I bought a pair of green Chucks for $20 (Haha, at the Converse store I heard a store woman say "Do you smell fire?  *sniff sniff*".  It was probably just my clothing from the camp fire :P ), and stuff for the gramps Christmas present to split with my cousins and siblings. 
    Then we drove back to Palm Springs (sort of out of order?) to drop off Michael at his parents' vacation house (ridiculous, lol...the pool looked amazing, and the stars there were brilliant; oh and did I mention his extra house was huge?).  We got back really late, and ate a feast together at my gramps house before the rest of the gang went back to USC area. :]

    Thursday-

    Up early; family drove out to Crystal Cove State Park to hike with my second cousin’s husband.  She was supposed to come too, but since they moved the time of the family barbeque, she decided to skip hiking to work on preparations.  It was gorgeous, but my head was hurting ><!  I feel like my head frequently hurts when I’m climbing mountains/have altitude changes.  How pathetic of me.  We also swung by the beach afterwards.  It was lovely…we wanted to stop by tidal pools, but the BBQ awaited us, so we had to pass on it. 

    The BBQ was interesting.  We ran around doing little errands or making kebabs (eww, raw meat juices went everywhere x_x).  The food was tasty though.  And we also had a big fire there.  :]  Random people joined us just to dip marshmallows in the fire; but I felt awkward for them since there were probably about 60 of us and 7 of them.  I felt awkward around most of my second cousins because most of them know each other a lot better than they know us, and they also seem quieter and shyer than us Fangs (they’re the Hu/Hur/Chius..).  I kind of felt bad for not talking all the much to them, but I felt a little like they felt the same.  It wasn’t until we did White Elephant gift exchanging that we really interacted; and then we played Cranium with Kevin’s newly won gift –> much more interactions (a lot of ‘stealing’ occurred.  It was really cute when my grandpa stole the Apples to Apples game from someone, just because he knew it’d be immediately stolen and he could open another gift :P ). 

    Friday-Christmas

    Got to sleep in.  I’m not really sure what else>_>
    Side note/later edit (12/31)–I knew I
    should have started working on this sooner; memory is sort of failing
    me, so I can’t remember what we did on some of these days?…this is why last year and the years before it had been a resolution to keep better records of my days.  But come to think about it, it isn’t necessary to remember everything that occurs.  Our brains aren’t built to remember everything.  Things might be a lot more painful that way…
    Ate at Taipan or something like that–it was delicious!  We had xiaolongbaos (yummmm–though the ones at Din Tai Fung in Taiwan are a zillion times tastier; but not bad–can’t complain), and a lot of my other favorite Chinese dishes. 
    Ate at Boston Cafe.  Food was interesting except mine (pineapple shrimp fried rice! :D and almond milk something with boba).
    Went with Mitch to go pick up something; met his cousin briefly.  He also gave me a bunch of awesome music :) :) :) ..yay!  I’m really stoked about it, thought it will probably take me a while to go through all of it.  :)   My brother is incredibly excited too.  But for some reason he is still bugging me to buy more music. 

    Saturday-(Christina’s Wedding Banquet)

    I think went shopping with Michelle and Angela until Er Buo Buo arrived–he flew in from Taiwan just to attend Christina’s banquet!…He left Sunday night–translation–he spent more time in transit than he did in the US.  He also brought taiyangbings! !! :) (Suncakes).
    I’m not a very good Asian in that I’m not super super open-minded to eating foods.  At the banquet they had all this fancy food that I don’t eat/don’t want to try (i.e. sea cucumber or pigeons).  I feel kind of bad since it cost a lot to have a seat in the banquet; but I guess I helped out by taking pictures for the event, and of course my presence?
    Discovered that I don’t like whiskey.  Lol at Asian drinking games (dice)…my aunt is hilarious.  “I’m drunk…I’m not drunk!…drink drink drink!”… 

    Sunday-(watched Avatar with Er Buo Buo Gramps, Angela + parents, Dad, & Michelle; the movie was cute, but as my brother said, predictable).

    Went to Trader Joes’–got scratched by my grandma because I wanted to pay for my own yogurt
    Ate at Souplantations –> hilarious…there were 13 of us eating; we used 6 buy-one-get-one-free coupons (but had to buy 2 drinks per pair, so that sort of breaks it even). 

    Monday-Transit to Las Vegas

    Left Gramps’ house an hour later than expected and headed for Vegas.  We kept wanting to stop places to eat, but we kept accidentally bypassing the exits; finally we decided to just bite the bullet and head just eat once we arrived in Vegas.  When we arrived at the hotel, I saw Mom grinning and running towards me–except she was excited to see my brother, not me (weird since she was had left for Vegas before the rest of us with Michael since he was there for a tourney…she was excited to see him since he just finished his match).
    Went shopping a little.  It was boring; even stores that I thought would have a lot of interesting stuff like Urban Outfitters failed to interest me.  O_o  Bad timing, or maybe shopping fatigue? 
    $30 buffet; Lago @ Caesar’s palace.  I pretty much only ate meat, which in retrospect makes me feel a little guilty.  I was trying to quantify how much money’s worth of food I ate, but I’m pretty sure it didn’t get anywhere near $30.
    Watched fountains of Bellagio with Mitch and again with Austin and Mitch.  Then returned and exchanged photos with Mitch.  Michelle and Austin went out and went gambling for their first time :].

    Tuesday-Las Vegas

    Woke up to say bye to A&A and Gramps
    Passed out for a while; walked to Gandhi, and Indian buffet, and brought the food back.  It was delicious…
    Passed out after lunch.  Watched Chuck; not sure what else.  Bed time; was kind of a waste of a day.

    Wednesday-Las Vegas & Red Rock Canyon

    Before going to RRC, we stopped to grab food for when we got hungry.  Mom started rambling to me about how the fast food chain Wendy’s was named after a girl whose name was actually Melinda.  I hope that is not what I was named after?  (J/k!)  But seriously, they never actually told me where my name came from.  :P  
    The weather at RRC was the same as it was last year!  Sunny on one side and really cloudy on the other.  We hiked approximately 5 miles. It was tiring; I got a little grouchy for a while, but then after walking alone for a while I was better again.
    –Shopping at Outlet mall; so boring…bought a ton Harry & David pears (oh yum!) and Moose Munch.  Unfortunately the pears were not ripe; so we had to carry all five pounds of them back to Florida.  So heavy x_x!
    –Ate hot pot and other yummy food!

    Thursday-Transit Home

    Ate dinner at Cracker Barrel’s…oh, chicken dumplings, my love!  Just kidding! :P
  • I just bought a ton of groceries today; I don’t really know how I ended up spending the amount I did, but it should last me quite a while.  For some reason, every time I walk into the kitchen, my appetite is gone though, despite all this tasty food.  All I ate was a cup of yogurt.  And my stomach is rumbling, but I don’t have a mental appetite (only physical).  So I’m not going to eat; it might just be me being tired of eating the same old thing.  But that doesn’t make sense because I bought fruits this time, a lot of fruits too, in fact.  I want to be healthier, somewhat.  I washed up the raspberries, but I don’t want any right now.  But many got squished, so I’m afraid to let them stay too long–they’ll mold =.  I bought frozen blueberries and cherries because they make excellent snacks.  And three bananas, because I tire quickly of bananas.  Bananas also make me laugh and I guess they make my roommate laugh now too, and it came with a fun sticker (a Halloween face :3).

    I also bought new shampoo; probably not the best place to buy it (grocery store), but apparently now my hair can smell of white nectarine and pink coral flower.  Which reminds me, now that my hair has grown longer, the amount of shampoo I use has increased significantly:

    shampoo

    I think I was talking to my mom about this before, but in a way, long hair is consequently potentially worse for the environment.  Not only does it require more shampoo, but more water to rinse out all the suds; not to mention the time that elapses while applying it.  Then, longer hair takes longer to dry with hair dryers.  This isn’t so much an issue for me since I let my hair air dry, except during winter (wait, Florida has winters?..sigh).  Furthermore, longer hair that gets trapped in drains probably create more blockage than shorter hair (maybe?).  So then we would have to use strong chemicals to clear the drain…

    I used to do this thing where I would cut my hair whenever I was upset; not a lot usually, but I suppose that is significantly better than cutting myself.  The only times hair cuts were good then were during my impulsive days when I would get tired of the long hair and chop it off for Locks of Love (I think three times?).  I guess this summer my desire to dye my hair weird shades were mostly another way to vent that out, since cutting hair, alone, wasn’t quite cutting it.  For some reason my mom seemed to think that it was me trying to do whatever she told me she would prefer that I not do; I’m old enough not to do things too much out of spite.  And I’m not like that anyways.  I am happy to be happier now, and sometimes I think my mode of thinking will change with this improving feeling:

         As a kid, I never wanted to get married.  I didn’t think I could ever find someone that would love me entirely and forever.  Reciprocation is also important of course, but I wonder if real love is possible (as opposed to obsession) without reciprocation?  Because I would say that real love is unconditional.  But if there is no reciprocation, how can you actually know the other person?  During my time with my now ex- my perspective changed and I hoped that one day I would get married, though not necessarily with him.  It was really nice having someone there, not out of obligation, but desire.  I think I sometimes overestimate the extent to which I am introverted.  Or perhaps that’s just me having several sides to me.  But I don’t think it’d be so bad an idea now; but I would never settle for anything less than love.  And love wouldn’t be settling, it would be living (:.  Exhilarating, for the most part.  Even fights will be meaningful.  I’d rather die alone than to settle.

         For a while I hoped to die at a certain age; I think I decided 75 would be good.  One thing that scares me is not physical death, but mental death, or degradation.  I can’t imagine losing my identity, my memories.  Physical things matter too of course; I don’t want to deteriorate to become a burden.  Which brings to mind Shakespeare:

    Last scene of all,
    That ends this strange eventful history,
    Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
    Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.

    I’m not so scared about death itself; it’s a mystery, and the only mystery I probably can’t just skip to the end to find out the results on.  (Yes, I do that with a lot of books–ruin the ending for myself.  But then I can mentally prepare myself if the ending is traumatic…[And yes, grammar fail due to a preposition at the end]). I’m scared of the process, though everyday that I live I am also dying. 

         But in some ways I realized that that wish is rather selfish; if I were to have grandchildren they would probably not get to know me; I wouldn’t be there to celebrate their growth and their lives.  But then I would save my hypothetical kids the trouble of having to take care of me along with all the other things in their lives.  And I wouldn’t be stuck in a nursing home–it wouldn’t be the last thing I was left with before departing.  It makes me sad to think of those who are in nursing homes…and it is like a major loss of independence that the elderly in such nursing homes probably feel.  I was saddened today when I saw a really old lady struggling with her lawn mower; but then after a while I realized I should be happy for her that she was able to be up and about and was not bedridden ><. 
         I am still on the line on what to think, but I guess that’s another thing about love.  Of course I live for myself, but I also hope to find someone that would make me want to hang in there.  I feel like a big part of myself is my drive to find use in life–I feel like if I were unable to be a doctor in the future and help people, better their lives, then my reason for living would be shattered.  All the resources I have consumed, wasted.  So I put my career as a student at utmost priority, because I could not be happy if things did not work out.  Sure, there are other careers that I could pursue, and there are other ways to improving other peoples’ lives, but I want a job that I will be happy to do everyday.  I don’t want to drag myself to work, I want to embrace it.  I also want to find someone that would tether my soul to the Earth so long as they are alive.  But perhaps that is not realistic.  But I sometimes hear those stories about the couple that was married forever and died a few minutes within each others deaths…Thinking of love that way makes it sweet, but I guess kinda creepy too.  It’s just one of those giant mysteries of life (sigh).

    This wasn’t entirely coherent I don’t think.  But that’s just because I’m confused about what I think.

  • School misc.

    School is swallowing me up!  But at last Wedn. is over, so the week only gets better from here :) .

    I think I got my schedule set for next semester…I must say, I’m pretty excited if I can handle it all! 

    Spring 2010
    I’m just worried that it looks like I’ll be in class a lot, which means less time to be working on my work!  I wanted to see if I could start research too, but it isn’t looking like I have much time.  That might be a problem for when I want to work on thesis :.  I see too much blue!  :’(  On the other hand, I’ll only have one lab, so it shouldn’t be as bad as these past few semesters.  (No lab with Cece :( …blame it on Cell Bio :( .)  Hmm. 

    Wow, I haven’t been this excited in a while. 
    No, actually that’s a lie…  (:


    A while ago I studied for physiology with this one kid; he keeps asking me if I want to study with him again, but he made me somewhat uncomfortable because he talked down to me without really any reason.  I thought I might’ve been being oversensitive, but I was talking to two of his lab partners (he’s in my lab also), both of whom asked me if it was really awkward/if he was condescending to me also, since apparently he does that to them too.  So I don’t think I was being oversensitive.  So now I feel a little annoyed every time he approaches me ><…

    I don’t mean to be mean, but I don’t really like pompous people; it would be more excusable if he had accomplished great feats.  And I don’t understand; I have been trying to be clear without being blunt about not wanting to study with him every time he asks.  I’ve been told that my facial expressions pretty much betray what I’m feeling, and I know I grimace every time he asks.  And I use a lot of hesitation, and generally look (and feel) uncomfortable.  Is,  “I don’t know, I’m kinda busy…” plus many grimaces not good enough?  Or maybe I need to work on my grim face (ooh, good practice for Halloween? Just kidding).  He also keeps badgering me about my grades in the class.  Which drives me crazy.  Please, leave me alone!  I don’t even like to talk about grades with my close friends.  Unless I am using it in a self deprecating way, then sometimes I just laugh (with tears on the inside, lol).

  • I am pretty happy right now!

    -I finally got to hear the lecture I’ve been waiting to hear about since last year!  I am stoked!  A professor here does diving in ANTARCTICA (!!) to find chemicals that may have pharmaceutical functions.  It was quite interesting; he didn’t dip much into chemistry, probably because then a fraction of the audience might not understand.  @_@ it’s easy with chemistry to make things complicated.  He showed us pictures and all, it was quite fascinating.  One thing that made me laugh was how he was talking about how for there was one type of algae that was studied that had proteins that could be extracted to help fight influenza.  Well, apparently some nutraceutical company found a related algae plant from South America rather than from Antarctica that had the same influenza fighting properties, and made some pills for it.  Well, the company failed to include the protein that actually was noted to have influenza fighting effects.  So, yay for some expensive pills that won’t work (maybe placebo).  O_~
    Sea butterfly and amphipod. 

    -I received this in my e-mail today:
    [:D]

    shipping

    I can imagine my little brother to be exponentially more happy since it is shipping home, not to my college address.  But then again, I bought the book for him, not for me, so even more reason for him to be happy.  But I’m not calling or forwarding this e-mail to him so that he’ll have the excitement of checking the door every day for a package.  It’s always exciting to be expecting mail!  Which leads me to…

    -I bought stamps today, finally.  I’ve been meaning to for a while, but just haven’t gotten around to it.  Unfortunately they didn’t have any collection-worthy designs, only the Forever Stamp; but I suppose that is the most pragmatic kind anyways.  I’ve collected more than enough stamps.  (Heh; but they’re AWESOME to look at!  Seriously!).  I don’t think I can write again until after Monday, courtesy of Physiology, Orgo, AND Latin exams that are upcoming.  O_O

    -I donated blood again finally, unfortunately it left my finger unusually bruised, which I forgot when I was picking up a container of cooked pasta.  (eyes watered *_*).  Today my blood had a much better flow (last time was a fail since my blood clotted too quickly –> dehydrated?; the time before, it was so slow and was from a side vessel that they guy had to hold and rotate the needle constantly O_O).  I was a little dismayed because usually they give me a warning (“this might pinch a little”) before yanking out the needle, but the lady didn’t do so (mild surprise?). 

    -It was such a busy day (chem discussion –> lab [oh fail! lol, jk!] –> dorm/change –> donate blood –> UGRB mtg –> lecture!), but because of donating blood I couldn’t afford to forget dinner again!  So I’ve replenished myself with the same thing I’ve eaten for maybe three days already.  Bowtie pasta (my fav!) + pesto sauce + olive oil + bacon bits!  I eat the same thing for lunch everyday too: Chik-fil-a sandwich, minus pickles.  Almost everyday.  Not sure what happens when I get tired of it…I haven’t had dinner so late yet this year! O_O!

    -For sitting in on a two minute spiel about Windows 7, I received a $10 card to fye.com, so I just bought MOAR MUSIC! :) :) :) !  The newer Matt Costa CD and the old Augustana.  Not sure why I chose those two, but I’m pretty excited about that. :D !  Windows 7 sounds kinda cool…

    -Happiness is carrying over from yesterday’s favicon discovery.  Little things make me happy :].  A lot of little things.

    -I found that I am more focused when I study with classical music; it evokes happy memories from childhood, and the only singing it makes me want to do is warbling opera (Mozart! Though I don’t know any Italian or whatever it is in O_O).  I will spare my roommates though, and save that for when I am driving home next week or whenever.

    ♥––♥
           |
          ^

  • For the 2nd Red Cross Meeting, our theme was Halloween.  We made goody bags for kids with safety tips too!  All the officers agreed to dress up in costumes, but only three people did.  Two dressed as nerds, and I dressed as a cat.  (I’ve never wore a nerd ‘costume’ before, but I guess people wouldn’t be able to know the difference O_~!).

    Here’s me:

    IMG_0335 c
    My cat nose looks a little messed up, but I’m supposed to be a pussy in boots O_~.  I was afraid people would think I’m a furry and dress up as an animal normally. lol, but alas, I’m not.  I was debating between (if I were to be a cat): pussy in boots, cool cat (wear sun glasses?), or Luna (cat from Sailor Moon from my 4th gradeish era?–but then I would feel obliged to ashen my face so I could put a moon on my forehead, otherwise it wouldn’t stand out; but that’s so much work…).  I was a tailess cat too.  :3

    I need to go run errands for some essentials (TP!!!)

  • I’m trying to study and finish another post, but there are so many helicopters zooming around outside, because our school has had three major threats already today:

    1) bomb
    2) armed intruder
    3) “White male subject
    seen in the Cooper Hall area in black tank top, cowboy hat carrying
    black puppy and a large hunting knife – Officers en route”. (Word for word from my “Mo-Bull” system–our emergency text alert system…we’re the USF Bulls, so they make Bull-puns all the time).


    I know the third one should be really frightening, but, it is hard not to laugh at the description.

    The first time the sirens went off, I was on my way to class and noticed how nobody seemed to care about the sirens.  They need a better system, because those sirens were not alarming (har har).

    I remember last time we got an alert on campus that I remember was during the summer; the alleged gunman was actually 3 minutes from my dorm, and I received the warning text while I was on my way back from classes.  I was really depressed then, and I actually was happy to be walking toward my dorm at such times.  Though I wouldn’t ever be selfish enough to put myself (& consequently others) in danger because of a down mood.  This brings me to realize that I have made a lot of progress in my healing since we (ex- & I) broke up.  (It is always hard with the first heartbreak; I suppose with all others too, if it is genuine).  But I am a lot happier now, except when I think too much about him (which I rarely do, so no worries).  My eyes are now open to the things that created rifts in our relationship, and things that I need to improve to make myself a better person for whoever might be my future someone, if he exists.  Things that I am searching for in my future someone also.

    I might add that I think the cutest guys are somewhat nerdy.  :)   But human at the same
    time.  (Sometimes I felt like my ex- wasn’t human; he lost touch with
    the human world sometimes when his curiosity went overboard.  Sometimes he would forget me amidst his studies, but no one likes to feel neglected…-_- [am I that boring or unappealing?  Math is more attractive than me? ]). 
    And then there is nothing like a sentient, compassionate being that also hasn’t lost their sense of curiosity. n_n!  I have a friend whom’s heart one could win with food, but I think with mine if you talk nerdy…(& talking music sure doesn’t hurt either, unless you hate the music I love!).

    Will reply to comments if I can get my work done!  :)   I like to take my time & think out the things I have to say.

    & my layout is xkcd themed. (:  It has been ages since I have had solid colors entirely, and such simple colors.

  • (Rambling update)

    Today I went to the library in the morning to work on my lab report for physiology.  Which reminds me why I almost never go to our library.
    –The lighting in most areas makes me dizzy since it is usually fairly dim
    –I was attacked by ants–on the fifth floor
    –There really weren’t that many sources I couldn’t find online instead.  Though there is a certain feeling that comes with using really books (you know, a romantic good ol’-days feeling?)…
    –When I have been there, people on their phones sometimes disturbed me (it is bad, but a lot of the times I can’t help eavesdropping o_o); so naturally when I got a call today I panicked, because I didn’t want to be a nuisance, but at the same time I didn’t want to pack all my stuff to get a call (otherwise my stuff might be stolen >_>).  Panicked is an overstatement, but I can’t think of a word right now.

    In my own room I have the luxury of playing my music aloud and occasionally singing; food without ant problems (so far, anyways), good lighting, etc.  But there are distractions everywhere that often wipe my mind from the task I had at hand. 


    Yesterday I went to Walgreens and when I was checking out, I handed the cashier the Weekly Ad so they could reuse it.  He said that he didn’t need it, and I could just keep it, so I set it down (to pay) and told him I’d just put it back where I got it from myself.  After paying and the cashier trying to elicit some facial expressions from me (he pretended to break one of my items, just to see if I’d make a sad face or something), I picked up the Ad and put it back.  He seemed really surprised and said he was betting with himself that I would have forgotten.

    I’m usually really good about keeping my word; I do what I say I will do, or if not I’ll warn ahead of time or I’ll [try to] make amends.  I would never want to be associated as the type of person who just blah-blahs and says they’ll do things and not do them.  >_> I try hard to be reliable because it helps establish a sense of trust–for other people, but also for myself.  I establish myself as a person who is approximately the same inside and out, though I can’t say I am constant.  I am constant in belief, but in behavior I take on something similar to the chameleon effect.  If I find the person to be talkative, I’m a good listener; quiet, I talk a little more (try to lessen awkwardness; though a lot of times silence is also quite comfortable).

    I am also very transparent.  A lot of the things I think or feel are often manifested in my facial expression or how I might respond verbally (tone/inflection/hesitance).  It is rare that I say anything that I don’t mean, and when I do it generally pertains to things that I don’t think matter that much anyways, or is rather sensitive to personal opinion (i.e. fashion, not saying I don’t care, it’s just since everyone’s styles differ, we’re entitled to different opinions, and I wouldn’t want to suppress/sway someone’s true opinion; it’s not like it harms anyone [?]).  So essentially I never mislead intentionally (I just try to be evasive!), and so whatever someone sees or hears from me is generally what I think/feel, no over-analysis necessary.

    That was actually one of the major problems I had with my ex.  There were some things that he would want me to semi-psychoanalyze about him, when I’d rather him just tell me outright.  A lot of times I over think things and it induces a lot of stress.    So it isn’t that I’m dense and don’t like to think, it’s just that it could reduce my stress by just being clear. 


    Today I went to a BBQ, but I’d rather write (details) about that later.  It was for women interested in surgery, and it made me quite excited.  I have a long, long road ahead of me; not even close!  But there are things that I have to keep in mind and not let my troubles cloud my vision.

    Sometimes I feel like I allow school to turn off the curiosity and excitement of learning.  Instead, because of all the stress of deadlines and homework, I end of associating the stuff I learn with STRESS, STRESS, & STRESS.  If only we could slow down and learn these things at a leisurely pace.  And also taking things so seriously also takes out some of the fun.  =

    Hmm!

[space holder]

[meeeeerrrr]