So for Spring break if all works out as planned I am signed up to help for Alternative Spring Break at Biscayne National Park! (:!  I also wanted to do one they will be having in Atlanta where they build things and paint things for the elderly folks.  But I decided on the Biscayne one instead since it seemed more unique (as in the one in ATL is probably something similar to what they might offer again next year, so I won't be missing my chance).  Sometimes it is sad that we only have one life to live (or so it seems, I don't really know).  But I'm really excited!!!  lol, there was also a dolphin on their display poster; and the BNP website says there are also manatees there sometimes! (:  What, and maybe flying squirrels?  (:!

But now I need to go study...I just needed to get some of the excitement out of my system (:!

Wish the mtg was more efficient, I'll explain later, maybe tomorrow.

{Slightly ironic}

So I was thinking about attention span. We were talking about it last semester in Rel/Pop Culture...about how TV has influenced our attention spans; apparently our attention spans are about as long as a TV show runs before being cut by a commercial.  It was only in recent years that I started watching TV on a weekly basis (generally on Fridays as my brain-fizzling time).  So it is easy for me to underestimate the influence of TV.  Do people really watch enough of it to affect their attention spans else where?  Perhaps the increasing amounts of TV online will increase that attention span again (possibly fewer and shorter ads?). 

What got me thinking about this was yesterday's Pearls Before Swine:

What happens if things like text messages and Twitter shortens are spans down from 10-ish minutes down to 140 characters? Wakka!  Except fortunately we don't think with character count built in O_~.  But still...

Sometimes I imagine myself with those little candies musical notes and suns popping out when I'm really happy too. 

On another note, not related except that it is another comic strip, I thought this was sweet:

(: Hope to find someone that will treasure me like that! (:

I just bought a ton of groceries today; I don't really know how I ended up spending the amount I did, but it should last me quite a while.  For some reason, every time I walk into the kitchen, my appetite is gone though, despite all this tasty food.  All I ate was a cup of yogurt.  And my stomach is rumbling, but I don't have a mental appetite (only physical).  So I'm not going to eat; it might just be me being tired of eating the same old thing.  But that doesn't make sense because I bought fruits this time, a lot of fruits too, in fact.  I want to be healthier, somewhat.  I washed up the raspberries, but I don't want any right now.  But many got squished, so I'm afraid to let them stay too long--they'll mold =.  I bought frozen blueberries and cherries because they make excellent snacks.  And three bananas, because I tire quickly of bananas.  Bananas also make me laugh and I guess they make my roommate laugh now too, and it came with a fun sticker (a Halloween face :3).

I also bought new shampoo; probably not the best place to buy it (grocery store), but apparently now my hair can smell of white nectarine and pink coral flower.  Which reminds me, now that my hair has grown longer, the amount of shampoo I use has increased significantly:

I think I was talking to my mom about this before, but in a way, long hair is consequently potentially worse for the environment.  Not only does it require more shampoo, but more water to rinse out all the suds; not to mention the time that elapses while applying it.  Then, longer hair takes longer to dry with hair dryers.  This isn't so much an issue for me since I let my hair air dry, except during winter (wait, Florida has winters?..sigh).  Furthermore, longer hair that gets trapped in drains probably create more blockage than shorter hair (maybe?).  So then we would have to use strong chemicals to clear the drain...

I used to do this thing where I would cut my hair whenever I was upset; not a lot usually, but I suppose that is significantly better than cutting myself.  The only times hair cuts were good then were during my impulsive days when I would get tired of the long hair and chop it off for Locks of Love (I think three times?).  I guess this summer my desire to dye my hair weird shades were mostly another way to vent that out, since cutting hair, alone, wasn't quite cutting it.  For some reason my mom seemed to think that it was me trying to do whatever she told me she would prefer that I not do; I'm old enough not to do things too much out of spite.  And I'm not like that anyways.  I am happy to be happier now, and sometimes I think my mode of thinking will change with this improving feeling:

This wasn't entirely coherent I don't think.  But that's just because I'm confused about what I think.

School is swallowing me up!  But at last Wedn. is over, so the week only gets better from here .

I think I got my schedule set for next semester...I must say, I'm pretty excited if I can handle it all! 

I'm just worried that it looks like I'll be in class a lot, which means less time to be working on my work!  I wanted to see if I could start research too, but it isn't looking like I have much time.  That might be a problem for when I want to work on thesis :.  I see too much blue!  :'(  On the other hand, I'll only have one lab, so it shouldn't be as bad as these past few semesters.  (No lab with Cece ...blame it on Cell Bio .)  Hmm. 

Wow, I haven't been this excited in a while. 
No, actually that's a lie...  (:

I don't mean to be mean, but I don't really like pompous people; it would be more excusable if he had accomplished great feats.  And I don't understand; I have been trying to be clear without being blunt about not wanting to study with him every time he asks.  I've been told that my facial expressions pretty much betray what I'm feeling, and I know I grimace every time he asks.  And I use a lot of hesitation, and generally look (and feel) uncomfortable.  Is,  "I don't know, I'm kinda busy..." plus many grimaces not good enough?  Or maybe I need to work on my grim face (ooh, good practice for Halloween? Just kidding).  He also keeps badgering me about my grades in the class.  Which drives me crazy.  Please, leave me alone!  I don't even like to talk about grades with my close friends.  Unless I am using it in a self deprecating way, then sometimes I just laugh (with tears on the inside, lol).

I need to concentrate better, but I'll write this post really quick before I forget .

So from my living room there is a wonderful view of the tennis courts (from my room too, I suppose, but the living room gives a slightly better point--wider view and all).  So from time to time, I'll take little breaks to hang out with my roommate, and sometimes we'll watch the tennis players or skateboarders, or whoever is on the court.  And we might occasionally laugh...maybe.  (Yay tennis karma).

Well, generally speaking most players don't notice us.  But two guys yesterday did, and they kept looking back at us.  We had our window open since the weather outside felt nice, and one guy started to wave and talk to us.  We felt a little awkward.  Then the other guy started taking off his shirt and we felt really awkward.  (More like *covers eyes*.  I might be one of the few people on earth who aren't particularly interested in checking out people's bodies [so eww at the shirtless profile pictures, ahem, guy I blocked].  I always feel awkward when other girls admire some guy's bod, since I generally don't agree.  I have potentially severe tunnel vision, so if I like someone then I can't find myself very attracted to anything else...O_O].

Well anyways, I guess it was awkward for my roomie since that guy wasn't attractive; but we didn't want to laugh too loud/cover our faces/eyes since the window was open.  The guys asked if we had beer (Nope!)  and then left.  Though my roommate joked and told them to bring us the beer next time.  

I think if I ever noticed myself being watched I'd probably awkwardly try to evacuate...ASAP. 

So, in a HIMYM-esque manner I decided to leave it in the hallway with a sign that says it's free (re: the barrel episode). 

Well, the next day, it was gone!  I was so happy.  So I decided that the Publix iced tea that I bought could go too, since I thought I liked it, but found I didn't (raspberry flavored; I bought two, and the second was unopened, so gave that one away).  Well, after a few hours it was gone, and I was surprised to find it replaced with...

Rooot beer! !  My roommate and I were really excited!  And couldn't stop laughing.  And we both really like root beer, so it was a definite win.  I left a few cans of sweet tea (I bought in excess; two 12 packs...) and we found Mountain Dew as an exchange.  Yesterday, I decided to move the root beer outside to take this picture.  I was joking with my roomie that it would be funny if they were gone before I took the pictures.  we both shrugged, and I decided to use my other camera instead of the one I originally grabbed.  But while I was switching cameras, someone swooped by and took two cans!  We couldn't stop laughing at the epic timing.

(...look how they shine for you)

This morning I got up early to catch the meteor shower; I meant to take a peak around 1AM and check again later, but I felt wiped out from working on lab stuff.  I told my friend Adithya about it since he lives relatively close/on campus, so he texted me before heading out.  I guess I was so tired I missed his first text; but then I startled myself awake about 30 minutes later and joined him outside to watch the shower.  I felt bad for being late; I get pretty upset with myself when I find myself to be not-dependable.  I might need to get a real alarm clock because apparently I have adapted to be able to shut off my phone in my sleep.  I try to change it up with different sounds, but that hasn't even been working.  O_O  This is when plasticity could be bad...

But I digress.  I saw maybe 7 shooting stars, but we were looking in different directions, so I think we only saw 3 in common; he spotted a few others also.  Fortunately I wished for non-frivolous things first, since there weren't as many as I have seen on previous meteor shower adventures.  I think I've watched two other showers.  It brings up really good memories though, of hot chocolate on our driveway at home, sleeping bags, and my family.  n_n 

I bet it would be really romantic (sigh).  Maybe someday...

I wonder where I will be years from now...I always imagined living somewhere in the countryside when I'm older, since that would provide for peace from the city static... and less light to obstruct the stars.  And if I had kids, then they would have a lot of nature to be able to stumble around in and enjoy.  We could actually go camping in the yard.  The stars would be amazingly brilliant, and maybe I could pass on my love for the stars to them, the way Dad passed them on to me.  And maybe when they grow up, they'll remember me when they look at the stars the way I think of my family.  I actually bought this shirt for him:

(Threadless.com; funny since the shirt was named "Family"...not the most masculine shirt but sentimentally speaking I was really happy.  He wore it last time I was home too!  But he was angry that day, I think at me too. =...home this weekend, maybe they'll be in a good mood again; birthday season approaching!).

I've been watching stars crawling out of the sky.

I am always disoriented after my orgo exams, these past two anyways.  I end up walking in the wrong direction, only to become confused.  My friends laughed a little at me for that today (oops). 

I'm not sure if I was shaking afterward because I was so cold, or because I was laughing from how epically I think I might have failed it.  I know I definitely should have gotten at least 9 pts (out of 100?) since I knew how to do some of the energetics stuff.  I forgot all my jackets at home, except one hoodie that currently is covered with dried yogurt , and my cardigan.  On the bright side I think I aced my Latin exam, not that that is part of my major or anything o_o.  But I really enjoy that class; my teacher cracks me up, on the inside.  I don't think I laugh aloud in there much because it is 9:40 AM and I feel drowsy internally then still, somehow.  Though I'm up way before then.

I'm supposed to do my lab report now on S_N1 reactions, so perhaps that would have helped if I did that prior to the exam for class. >_>  I just took a pill with caffeine in it; maybe that will help me make it through the night.  O_O

I have a funny story for later .  Trigger words -- trade post; also meant to write about the sea butterflies!  Hopefully I won't have forgotten by the time I get around to it.

And after all those years, we thought the collision of our hearts was an inelastic one.  We thought that our hearts had melded together and that we would weather anything until the day we could be together forever.

And yet things fell apart, and we've discovered our collision was elastic; there was just a long time of impact.  But now our hearts bounce further and further away from each other and we are strangers again.  It is a weird sensation, to acknowledge that feelings for the most part are over with--it is just that nostalgia, and the sadness of how close we once were versus how distant we now are that brings sadness to my heart now.  But I no longer wish we could go back in time to be together again. 

But you once told me that I would someday see the meaninglessness of the words--in the "I love you"s that we exchanged.  Granted, love is not quite how I would describe how I feel about you, except maybe storgic, the words have not lost their meaning.  They remind me of a time when I loved everything freely and the world was bright and happy.  It reminds me of our rich history and memories I would not trade, had I the choice.  Those memories have shaped who I am; they were a time of growth and exploration.  It was fun.  And so I do not think I will look back and think they were empty.  So, you're wrong again, as you often were about my feelings.

It has been a little over 6 months now, since we have been apart.
But whereas I once looked so bleakly into the future, I am regaining some of my optimism again.  I suppose love isn't a one-shot deal the way I used to.  Though maybe true love is. 

My username used to be "melinnn", then "loves_mud".  So I finally accumulated my 10,000 credits, and now I have changed my username, once again.  There are two main reasons for this change:

1) I wanted to block someone who was making me extremely uncomfortable, but just to be extra safe, a change in username (and a change in profile picture, etc.) will make it easier for him to not-find me, in the advent that he tries to, though I doubt.  Just incase!

Honestly, I'm a pretty trusting person, but there are some things that merit blocks and cutting off, and this message was the final straw:

This was a bit too much for me, especially from some guy who lists "sex & manipulation" under his expertise.  I would leave off the username, but I guess I'm leaving it so that people who might see this and gets friend requests from him might have a little more discretion?  If this sort of thing would bother them, anyways.  It isn't entirely fair/respectable to post people's private messages to you, but I'm also trying to justify my reason for blocking him.  I wrote about him earlier and I think he got the hint from me since I started to ignore his messages/not read his Xanga anymore, but I feel a lot better just removing him from my life.  Another person named "rickystarr" added me too; but I didn't respond and ignored/blocked him also.  The names were too eerily similar; maybe they're just bots. O_O!  There are moments while I was contemplating what I should do about him, because I'm usually pretty slow to label anyone anything (i.e. "creeper"), but there were just too many red flags and too much discomfort and stress for me. 

Not to mention he totally missed the point.  It's not a "nerdy looking type" I like, it is the nerdy personality! O_~!  The awkward and nerdy looks might just be a plus, but it certainly isn't watch catches my attention first.  Looks are secondary, if not even lower in importance, to things like personality.  People who are curious by nature and like to learn!  People who won't laugh at me for liking those things too!  ♥♥♥!

I don't understand why people like him would go all oozy to me, but then be really sleazy otherwise (he writes about sex and wanting things like threesomes and sleeping with random girls from work?  Eww, not interested?).  I don't like insincere people.

[Edit:] Unfortunately I noticed that xanga automatically changed my username in the old comments I had when I did talk to him.  So he can still find this. =  So I'm enabling Friends-Lock for now.

2) My old username, unbeknownst to probably anyone else, was sort of an ode to my ex.  His Xanga, which he has since deleted, was "muddeliveryboy"; and I loved the things he always said to me, and all that stuff.  Pretty much I adored the things he'd feed me.  And the thing is I need to move on; and seeing that we're not talking except emergencies (i.e. I had to make sure his family was okay when I noticed there was severe flooding in the other Southeastern states, and he wanted to check on my with all the USF threats that even made it on the news!)...it's part of our healing process, though I wonder if that means we'll ever talk like we did back then.  I highly doubt, because if I share things with him like I did back then, I would make myself vulnerable to him again. 

-I finally got to hear the lecture I've been waiting to hear about since last year!  I am stoked!  A professor here does diving in ANTARCTICA (!!) to find chemicals that may have pharmaceutical functions.  It was quite interesting; he didn't dip much into chemistry, probably because then a fraction of the audience might not understand.  @_@ it's easy with chemistry to make things complicated.  He showed us pictures and all, it was quite fascinating.  One thing that made me laugh was how he was talking about how for there was one type of algae that was studied that had proteins that could be extracted to help fight influenza.  Well, apparently some nutraceutical company found a related algae plant from South America rather than from Antarctica that had the same influenza fighting properties, and made some pills for it.  Well, the company failed to include the protein that actually was noted to have influenza fighting effects.  So, yay for some expensive pills that won't work (maybe placebo).  O_~
Sea butterfly and amphipod. 

-I received this in my e-mail today:
[:D]

I can imagine my little brother to be exponentially more happy since it is shipping home, not to my college address.  But then again, I bought the book for him, not for me, so even more reason for him to be happy.  But I'm not calling or forwarding this e-mail to him so that he'll have the excitement of checking the door every day for a package.  It's always exciting to be expecting mail!  Which leads me to...

-I bought stamps today, finally.  I've been meaning to for a while, but just haven't gotten around to it.  Unfortunately they didn't have any collection-worthy designs, only the Forever Stamp; but I suppose that is the most pragmatic kind anyways.  I've collected more than enough stamps.  (Heh; but they're AWESOME to look at!  Seriously!).  I don't think I can write again until after Monday, courtesy of Physiology, Orgo, AND Latin exams that are upcoming.  O_O

-I donated blood again finally, unfortunately it left my finger unusually bruised, which I forgot when I was picking up a container of cooked pasta.  (eyes watered *_*).  Today my blood had a much better flow (last time was a fail since my blood clotted too quickly --> dehydrated?; the time before, it was so slow and was from a side vessel that they guy had to hold and rotate the needle constantly O_O).  I was a little dismayed because usually they give me a warning ("this might pinch a little") before yanking out the needle, but the lady didn't do so (mild surprise?). 

-It was such a busy day (chem discussion --> lab [oh fail! lol, jk!] --> dorm/change --> donate blood --> UGRB mtg --> lecture!), but because of donating blood I couldn't afford to forget dinner again!  So I've replenished myself with the same thing I've eaten for maybe three days already.  Bowtie pasta (my fav!) + pesto sauce + olive oil + bacon bits!  I eat the same thing for lunch everyday too: Chik-fil-a sandwich, minus pickles.  Almost everyday.  Not sure what happens when I get tired of it...I haven't had dinner so late yet this year! O_O!

-For sitting in on a two minute spiel about Windows 7, I received a $10 card to fye.com, so I just bought MOAR MUSIC! !  The newer Matt Costa CD and the old Augustana.  Not sure why I chose those two, but I'm pretty excited about that. !  Windows 7 sounds kinda cool...

-Happiness is carrying over from yesterday's favicon discovery.  Little things make me happy :].  A lot of little things.

-I found that I am more focused when I study with classical music; it evokes happy memories from childhood, and the only singing it makes me want to do is warbling opera (Mozart! Though I don't know any Italian or whatever it is in O_O).  I will spare my roommates though, and save that for when I am driving home next week or whenever.

♥----♥
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