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  • So this is the New Year...

    and I don't feel any different.

    Sometimes I feel like I'd be a bad mother because when I see my cat cower, I laugh.  It's New Years Eve which means the fireworks scare him witless. :P   But I care about him a lot :], such a cutie!

    .: Happy New Years! :.

    I was going to look back at resolutions to see if I had any success with them, but apparently I didn't make any last year! 
    a) I had already given up on them

    -Am I too young to be a little cynical about resolutions? 
    -Or am I too young to make resolutions? 
    -Or none of the above

    b) I was too busy (apparently I got back at the same time from LA)

    Oops, fail!  Well, I know one thing I've been wanting to do for a long time was improve my journal keeping skills, whether online or written; and I think Xanga has helped me a lot with this goal.  (:  Cheers!

    Another goal was to lose weight--I accomplished this on accident, though maybe California undid some of that.  :P   But next year/this coming year should be better, definitely.  I will hit the gym at least once a week...since I have a class there once a week (sea kayaking!)...maybe it isn't at the gym?  I'm not really sure.  Since it is sea kayaking. But the important point is that I will work harder to make myself healthier in a healthy way. :] 

    One day I want to do a triathlon, but I don't think this year is the year, since I have MCATs looming at the end of summer possibly (which reminds me I need to sign up for that -_-).

    Which brings me to a sad point for me: I think I'm going to have to decrease my already decreased Xanga involvement.  I've been having a lot of fun, but I think I'm going to have to limit it until post MCATs.  Back when SATs were looming in the distance, I took an hour out of every day to study for the writing portion of the SATs for maybe half a year.  I was able to increase my score from a low 500 to a high 700.  I think If I can push myself to study for MCATs maybe I won't have to go to some place like Kaplan.  But then again, it's really hard to push to study that sort of stuff, so I might have to take a cram class come summer anyways.  But my goal is to study some everyday this school year. 

    My schedule should be lighter, so that should make my goal a little more attainable.  It's been a while since I've pushed myself to study for stupid standardized exams, but it'll be worth it.  And I think it's important for me to understand a lot of the things anyways :], so hopefully studying won't be a pain.  It's hard sometimes not to mix my own interest with a feeling of dread since it is easy to relate school stuff with stress and thus learning with stress.  But a lot of it is just attitude.  I usually find myself to feel really ashamed when I start finding what I'm learning to be a pain...I might let organic chem to be an exception; except when I was little I thought chemistry would be one of the more exciting sciences.  And I used to beg my dad to tell me about elements and what different elements were needed for...(I guess gen chem stuff then).  But still...

    I think I'll keep using Leechblock to limit Xanga time to 30 minutes a day.  Which might not sound like a lot, but relative to the amount of time I've spent on many a night this past year, it is a really small amount.  I might also deactivate my Facebook, but I think I'm going to wait until the school year starts, that way I can at least keep in contact with my USF friends until getting back...but I'm concerned that I won't be able to keep in contact with friends away from USF, so I might not deactivate...><  I have time to decide. 

    So goals/resolutions:
    Academic
    --Learn!  Yay, can't wait for things like Astronomy and First Aid! !!
    --Better understanding -->Better grades...it's like a two for one deal! :]
    --MCAT...:[  Only want to take it once, so the goal is to do well first time through.  If not, then I can take the 4+4 year route instead of 7 year accelerated, I guess. No sweat, technically.  But who wants to drill for a 5ish hour test more than once?  Need to get over a 30. 
    --Shadowing and research

    Non-academic 
    --Be a better friend

    -Be more understanding
    Sometimes it's hard not to expect exact reciprocation from friends; but I have come to realize that we all express and do things differently.  I can't expect them to do the same things I do; doesn't mean they don't care as much as I do.  (If you see this, Michelle, sorry for being harsh-ish; I haven't been kind to you as my permanent BFF and sister :) )...

    -Try to keep in touch better

    --> better pen pal maybe too?  Owe a letter that received on Halloween...a few months late...again.  (*Facepalm*)

    -Other

    --Be happier
    --Learn to relax more
    --Sing more frequently; dance around a little more

    (shut blinds when doing this!!--I discovered that people in fact can see into my room from outside [I'm on the third floor, so I thought they couldn't...])

    --Better organization, time management
    --Be healthier

    -Learn to cook !!  (This could be its own separate category also)
    -Exercise more

    I think these are pretty humble resolutions--not unrealistic, but probably not all attainable in one year; a lot of it could be attitude adjustments which can be a lifetime struggle.  But at least I'm recognizing these things...

    Ah, time in Vegas gave me too much time to think (no internet while there).

    But I should start off the New Year in a happy mood!  Not sure what I'm doing tomorrow; the parental unit wants to go to Gainesville to see friends from Chinese school, but I don't really want to join them; the years before when I did join them I had to end up spending my new years and/or Christmas babysitting their friends' kids.  Not the most terrible thing, but not exactly the most fun either.  Wish I could get some sparklers...but fireworks (etc.) are like burning money...(but they're so fun).  The Asian in me is torn.  Lol.

    Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey!
    (1901 -- Phoenix has been stuck in my head for a while...specifically that part)

    P.S. Blue moon!

  • California

    So I've been in California for the past week; it's been quite a delightful stay--full of family, friends, and food.  ;)   Some of the most important f-words (also, please note alliteration).  Here's a rundown of what I've done of thoughts/what I've done:

    Saturday-

    Arrived in CA and us kids were picked up by Mitch to stop by a party at his apt.  We stopped by In-n-out, which was quite tasty.  Anyhow, it was a sweater party :o ) (I don't think I actually have a colorful/unusually festive sweater though).  At one point, his roomies and friends invited us to join them in playing Cranium.  However, only my little brother ended up joining, which me and my sister were surprised about since from what he's shown in the past we would've thought he would be too shy or cling to us/refuse to join without one of us sitting by his side.  And he fared pretty well socializing/interacting with people he didn't know.  That made me really happy--I think me and my sister's absences have given him more space to grow up (less meddling :P ) and also forced him to be slightly more assertive/less awkward without us as a crutch. :)   We used to worry a lot about him being socially awkward (coming from me, that's sad, since I'm somewhat awkward too -_-), but I'm not as worried now :) .  I tried a Smirnoff Ice, which reminded me of lemonade.  I was also surprised that my brother didn't harass me for drinking that either, because he used to always make fun of my sister when alcohol was around.  But that might also be because alcohol seems to make my sister hyper.  And so far, it doesn't do anything to me, other than diuretic (TMI, lol) and glowing properties.  Haha, when we got back my parents smelled the beer in my sister's breath but didn't catch me :) ..not that they really care much either.  They just laughed at her for it and sort of wagged their fingers. 
    Sort of out of order here, but on the drive back my sister and brother passed out in the car, and I talked about music with my cousin for a while.  :)   There's a lot of music that I'm going to explore now.
    Anywho, at my grandma's house where she had ridiculous amounts of food awaiting us.  Then sleep.  My staying up late the days before the trip helped me adjust a lot faster to Cali time.  (:

    Sunday-

    Went for a walk in a nearby park with my family and gramps.  The weather was amazing, and I was excited about how large the squirrels were (Cecelia--I wanted to send you a picture, but I forgot my phone!).  I was also excited about how the leaves here were actually fall colors, unlike in Florida where leaves pretty much go straight from green to brown.  I miss out on the lovely red and golds each year :[...always tied up by school.  (Seriously, we should petition for a fall break for USF; that way we can get a small break and also maybe get to see some real autumn!).

    After lunch, we drove out to USC so I could visit my friend Gracie.  After reaching campus, we met up in the parking lot of Superior and Dollar Dollar (haha, Dolla dolla).  My family went up stairs just to talk for a while with Gracie and Tina (her sister), and her friend Michael before leaving.  After preparing dinner, we decided to make Chocolate Souffle, but Tina fell asleep and missed out on all the baking.  The souffle was not extremely difficult, but a hassle to make since there were so many steps.  However, it turned out quite tasty (not hard to make chocolate containing foods tasty..).  We then watched the second Pirates of the Caribbean movie, and then went to sleep.

    Monday-

    I went for a bike ride around campus with Gracie--there were so many fountains, and the buildings all looked really nice!  We then left USC with her friend Roland to eat dim sum at New Capital (Rosemead)...the food was delicious and really cheap for dim sum (we feasted until we had to practically roll out of the restaurant, and it amounted to $10 per person...this is how I felt (how I feel after I gorge too much, always visualize myself this way):
    blueberry

    We then went to Hawaii (Asian grocery store across the street) and bought a ton of meat for the camping trip we decided to have.  They had amazing boba outside--they even used fresh mangoes in my drink--and it was so cheap compared to the boba prices I have to pay in Tampa ($1.25 versus $4.00!)...

    Returned to gramps place and finally saw my cousins Austin & Angela!  I think we went shopping that night...I feel like every time I see them we do a lot of shopping and watch a lot of TV; but it's fun (:.
    I was a little upset that night since I failed to accomplish one of my missions I had set out to do, but it's all good now :) .  I'll just postpone it.  I guess I was ticked off at my own planning fail and also because I'm one of those people who likes to always do what I say I will do, since I think being reliable is so important.  :)

    Tuesday-

    Spent the morning packing for the camping trip; can't remember much after that until the actual camp trip.  Oh, and we ate ridiculous amounts of dim sum, my favorite being either shrimp dumplings or shrimp cheong fun.  We ordered five orders (so 15 of them) of the latter, but my cousins also love them too.
    Camping trip -- Seating arrangement:
    Gracie's car--Michelle, Austin, Michael J;
    Roland's car--Michael F, Angela, Tina, me!
    (It's amazing how fast they drove...no further comments in case mom reads this >_>.)

    We slept a lot of the way there...by the time we arrived at Joshua Tree NP,  it was completely dark and we had no phone reception to tell the 'rents that we arrived.  The wind was ridiculous, it was biting cold, and it wasn't easy setting up a tent with only flashlights and car headlights.  The wind was killing our fire though.  It took us forever to get the fire going, and when we gave up on it, it flared up and started to burn.  Life works that way...we don't always find what we're looking for if we look too hard...got to step back sometimes. :)   Before the fire came to life, a few girls went to search for help from other campers for maybe ignition fluid or something; one guy gave them a bunch of wood chips to try using (smaller than our giant logs --> easier to start?).  Apparently he said other people stopped by but he didn't really help them since they were a bunch of guys :P .
    Grilled a bunch of meat and "hobo feast" minus potatoes (zuchini/squash).  The meat was amazing...:).  We then invited over the guy who helped out with our fire.  He was a USC student too, but he was at their med school, I think he said a first year (but he said he's in his 30s and was a PA before).  We made s'mores, and it started to SNOW! !! !   (It's exciting for Floridians..).  We also played some games before he left, and then just hung out by the fire.  It was freezing.  And once we were out of wood we decided to all pile in one tent instead of two tents, so we'd maybe have a little more body heat.  We managed to fit nine in a five person tent.  Success!  It was freezing all night and most of us didn't sleep well.  It was pretty lame.  One of the things I had been looking forward to was the clear desert sky and the brilliant stars I was expecting to see.  However, the sky was shrouded with clouds that sprinkled snow on us.  No stars...until I kept waking up at strange hours and could see the stars through the tent window/screen.  Then I wasn't excited to see stars because it meant hours before light, which meant I needed to lay still longer without disturbing others...it was hard to fall asleep every time I awoke. 

    Wednesday-

    Finally around 630 several of us got up and decided to try catching the sunrise...it was a fail. 
    One funny moment--A&A left the tent to use the bathroom; right when
    they were coming back I had decided that I wanted to get a picture of
    the campsite at dawn but was too lazy to get out into the cold, so I
    just stuck my arm through bottom of the tent door. Right when they got
    back they saw my arm pop out...I guess it's just one of those things
    where you have to be there to think it was funny.  Or it probably just
    looked funny.
    Tina, Austin, Michael J, and I went in town to get hot breakfasts, but by the time we got back everyone else had already feasted on ramen...(it was about 20 miles to get to town from our campsite).  What we found was a delicious and cute bakery with such tasty treats...the teacakes were amazing and so was the bread (fresh out of the oven! n_n!).  We also grabbed some eggs and bacon, and 8 subs for us to split after hiking.  We returned to find the site abandoned and the rest of our group on top of a rock far away (waving at us).  We feasted inside of the tent and they joined us a while later.  We then packed up, and drove about looking for rocks to climb all over.  It was quite pleasant!
    I was pointing out this cool plant that had a triangular shape, and accidentally got stabbed by it...it didn't hurt that much, but it bled a bit.  Now I'm trying to find it online but I'm sort of failing at it. -_-  I don't think I've had such a Google searching fail. "Triangle shaped desert plant", "flora Joshua Tree NP", "triangle desert succulent"???, I can't quite figure what category it falls under, but I think desert succulent is right, as opposed to shrub/tree...-_- And I think I didn't take a picture since I was distracted by my finger/figured I probably took a picture of one when I saw them last year.
    We finished off our subs and then started driving back towards LA; but we stopped by Cabazon outlet mall...which was ridiculous.  I'm not a super big shopper as in I wouldn't put it under my "hobbies", but I guess sales make things significantly more exciting.  I stopped by Puma where everything was 50%; I bought a pair of green Chucks for $20 (Haha, at the Converse store I heard a store woman say "Do you smell fire?  *sniff sniff*".  It was probably just my clothing from the camp fire :P ), and stuff for the gramps Christmas present to split with my cousins and siblings. 
    Then we drove back to Palm Springs (sort of out of order?) to drop off Michael at his parents' vacation house (ridiculous, lol...the pool looked amazing, and the stars there were brilliant; oh and did I mention his extra house was huge?).  We got back really late, and ate a feast together at my gramps house before the rest of the gang went back to USC area. :]

    Thursday-

    Up early; family drove out to Crystal Cove State Park to hike with my second cousin's husband.  She was supposed to come too, but since they moved the time of the family barbeque, she decided to skip hiking to work on preparations.  It was gorgeous, but my head was hurting ><!  I feel like my head frequently hurts when I'm climbing mountains/have altitude changes.  How pathetic of me.  We also swung by the beach afterwards.  It was lovely...we wanted to stop by tidal pools, but the BBQ awaited us, so we had to pass on it. 

    The BBQ was interesting.  We ran around doing little errands or making kebabs (eww, raw meat juices went everywhere x_x).  The food was tasty though.  And we also had a big fire there.  :]  Random people joined us just to dip marshmallows in the fire; but I felt awkward for them since there were probably about 60 of us and 7 of them.  I felt awkward around most of my second cousins because most of them know each other a lot better than they know us, and they also seem quieter and shyer than us Fangs (they're the Hu/Hur/Chius..).  I kind of felt bad for not talking all the much to them, but I felt a little like they felt the same.  It wasn't until we did White Elephant gift exchanging that we really interacted; and then we played Cranium with Kevin's newly won gift --> much more interactions (a lot of 'stealing' occurred.  It was really cute when my grandpa stole the Apples to Apples game from someone, just because he knew it'd be immediately stolen and he could open another gift :P ). 

    Friday-Christmas

    Got to sleep in.  I'm not really sure what else>_>
    Side note/later edit (12/31)--I knew I
    should have started working on this sooner; memory is sort of failing
    me, so I can't remember what we did on some of these days?...this is why last year and the years before it had been a resolution to keep better records of my days.  But come to think about it, it isn't necessary to remember everything that occurs.  Our brains aren't built to remember everything.  Things might be a lot more painful that way...
    Ate at Taipan or something like that--it was delicious!  We had xiaolongbaos (yummmm--though the ones at Din Tai Fung in Taiwan are a zillion times tastier; but not bad--can't complain), and a lot of my other favorite Chinese dishes. 
    Ate at Boston Cafe.  Food was interesting except mine (pineapple shrimp fried rice! :D and almond milk something with boba).
    Went with Mitch to go pick up something; met his cousin briefly.  He also gave me a bunch of awesome music :) :) :) ..yay!  I'm really stoked about it, thought it will probably take me a while to go through all of it.  :)   My brother is incredibly excited too.  But for some reason he is still bugging me to buy more music. 

    Saturday-(Christina's Wedding Banquet)

    I think went shopping with Michelle and Angela until Er Buo Buo arrived--he flew in from Taiwan just to attend Christina's banquet!...He left Sunday night--translation--he spent more time in transit than he did in the US.  He also brought taiyangbings! !! :) (Suncakes).
    I'm not a very good Asian in that I'm not super super open-minded to eating foods.  At the banquet they had all this fancy food that I don't eat/don't want to try (i.e. sea cucumber or pigeons).  I feel kind of bad since it cost a lot to have a seat in the banquet; but I guess I helped out by taking pictures for the event, and of course my presence?
    Discovered that I don't like whiskey.  Lol at Asian drinking games (dice)...my aunt is hilarious.  "I'm drunk...I'm not drunk!...drink drink drink!"... 

    Sunday-(watched Avatar with Er Buo Buo Gramps, Angela + parents, Dad, & Michelle; the movie was cute, but as my brother said, predictable).

    Went to Trader Joes'--got scratched by my grandma because I wanted to pay for my own yogurt
    Ate at Souplantations --> hilarious...there were 13 of us eating; we used 6 buy-one-get-one-free coupons (but had to buy 2 drinks per pair, so that sort of breaks it even). 

    Monday-Transit to Las Vegas

    Left Gramps' house an hour later than expected and headed for Vegas.  We kept wanting to stop places to eat, but we kept accidentally bypassing the exits; finally we decided to just bite the bullet and head just eat once we arrived in Vegas.  When we arrived at the hotel, I saw Mom grinning and running towards me--except she was excited to see my brother, not me (weird since she was had left for Vegas before the rest of us with Michael since he was there for a tourney...she was excited to see him since he just finished his match).
    Went shopping a little.  It was boring; even stores that I thought would have a lot of interesting stuff like Urban Outfitters failed to interest me.  O_o  Bad timing, or maybe shopping fatigue? 
    $30 buffet; Lago @ Caesar's palace.  I pretty much only ate meat, which in retrospect makes me feel a little guilty.  I was trying to quantify how much money's worth of food I ate, but I'm pretty sure it didn't get anywhere near $30.
    Watched fountains of Bellagio with Mitch and again with Austin and Mitch.  Then returned and exchanged photos with Mitch.  Michelle and Austin went out and went gambling for their first time :].

    Tuesday-Las Vegas

    Woke up to say bye to A&A and Gramps
    Passed out for a while; walked to Gandhi, and Indian buffet, and brought the food back.  It was delicious...
    Passed out after lunch.  Watched Chuck; not sure what else.  Bed time; was kind of a waste of a day.

    Wednesday-Las Vegas & Red Rock Canyon

    Before going to RRC, we stopped to grab food for when we got hungry.  Mom started rambling to me about how the fast food chain Wendy's was named after a girl whose name was actually Melinda.  I hope that is not what I was named after?  (J/k!)  But seriously, they never actually told me where my name came from.  :P  
    The weather at RRC was the same as it was last year!  Sunny on one side and really cloudy on the other.  We hiked approximately 5 miles. It was tiring; I got a little grouchy for a while, but then after walking alone for a while I was better again.
    --Shopping at Outlet mall; so boring...bought a ton Harry & David pears (oh yum!) and Moose Munch.  Unfortunately the pears were not ripe; so we had to carry all five pounds of them back to Florida.  So heavy x_x!
    --Ate hot pot and other yummy food!

    Thursday-Transit Home

    Ate dinner at Cracker Barrel's...oh, chicken dumplings, my love!  Just kidding! :P
  • I think I am going to make a website for my dad.  But I am not sure what to use for the site domain.  I was thinking:

    www.fangthedentist.com

    But the problem with that is that there is a children's book with that title, and I don't want it to be copyright infringement.  I also don't want it to sound childish. 

    One site (1and1.com) suggested for alternatives:

    vampire-the-dentist.com
    canine-the-dentist.info
    clawthedentist.us

    lolz.  (What the heck?)  Any thoughts?

  • Meteor Shower

    The most recent shower was the Geminid Shower that peaked on the 14th (wee hours of yesterday).  Named because most of the meteors should have appeared near the Gemini constellation:
    IMG_0793

    I sat outside with my sister, her friend David, and my brother for about half an hour maybe?  My sense of time is pretty bad, so that number is just kind of out there.  We saw approximately 3 meteors (approximately since there were more but we didn't all see the same ones).  It was kind of cool and kind of annoying watching that night since it was cloudy.  However, there were patches of clear sky that would occasionally waft by and during those windows of opportunity (har har) we saw those meteors.  Of course, I made a few wishes :) .

    I went out for a few minutes last night but didn't see any.  My dad saw a few though, though at an earlier hour. *_* 

    It got me thinking, it's weird to just wait there for something that might not ever show up.  And what if we don't wait enough?


    >< (seriously, xkcd is applicable to almost everything)

    But anyways, back to the meteor shower--here's a picture I found on Astronomy Pic of the Day; I pasted the caption just FYI:

    Geminid Meteor over Monument Valley

    Credit & Copyright:
    Wally Pacholka

    (AstroPics.com, TWAN)

    Explanation:

    The Geminids are expected
    to put on a good show this year.

    Created as planet Earth sweeps through dusty debris from extinct
    comet Phaethon, the annual
    Geminid meteor shower is predicted to peak
    on December 14th, around 0510 UT (12:10am EST).

    With better
    viewing
    for northern hemisphere observers, pictures
    of Geminids streaking through the night could include
    wintery landscapes, like this snow-tinged image of a 2007
    Geminid meteor over buttes of the
    Monument Valley region
    in the southwestern US.

    The meteor streak points back to the constellation Gemini and
    the shower's radiant point,
    just off the upper left edge of the scene.

    Along with Rigel, the sword and belt
    stars of Orion are at the
    upper right.

    Near the eastern horizon
    are bright stars Procyon (left) and Sirius.

    The two buttes at the far left are known as The Mittens -
    clearly a reminder that if you want to watch a meteor shower on a cold
    December night, wearing mittens would be a good idea.

    [Copied straight from: http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap091212.html]

    So as much as I have not liked Facebook in the past, I am finding it to be very useful.  Now, I don't have to look up meteor shower dates, I just need to watch my feed:

    fblike
    *~  

  • Dear friends, family, acquaintances, and strangers,

    I had planned on being away from Xanga until Wednesday next week because of my exam weeks have arrived.  However, some news has disturbed me, so I am here to write a brief note...It is easy as a student to get carried away with thinking that things like school are the #1 priority, but there are definitely things that matter more in life than just that, so I'm writing as a catharsis and perhaps to get out a message to anyone who might come across this.

    It was brought to my attention that a boy I once knew recently committed suicide.  I met him maybe in the early days of middle school at a "technology camp" in Gainesville where we learned to assemble wooden toys.  After that camp, I only saw him a few times like whenever there were math competitions in Gainesville, or if I went to my brother's chess tournament (his younger brother occasionally plays against my brother).  The details of what happened are unclear to me other than he did it while away from home at college. 

    It got me wondering, what would cause a person to take their own life?  I know I have had really rough times that might have caused the idea to appear in my mind, but it's an action I would never take.  It is selfish; and in some ways it is pathetic, since in many ways it is giving up.*  It takes courage to overcome the fear of death-instinct, but it is still giving up.  Things like failure are supposed to be there to make you stronger, so you can learn from what you have done wrong.  It is human to make mistakes.  And many mistakes are blessings in disguise.  It just sometimes takes a long time to see how it was a blessing.  But I think that in the end, everything happens for a reason.

    If it is an act of vengeance, then besides the fact that it is still wrong, it is true that it will affect others greatly, but in the end, consider, who wins?  By living through difficult things, like say, humiliation, one can either prove themselves to be a better person and rise above that.  Or one can grow into a better person.  But by cutting it all off, there is no chance for self-redemption.  So what is the point?  The image or idea that one would leave behind is one that is probably perceived in Western culture to be cowardly and selfish.

    How about loneliness?  I'm sure that is often the final straw that might push someone in hard times towards acts like suicide.  I admit, it is hard to always live on our own wills.  There are days when we need our friends to put us back on our feet, or pat our backs; we need that little nudge that will remind us that we will make it through things.  But what happens when we feel like we don't have friends?  Some might turn inwards, some might keep floundering in search, some might turn cold.  When we feel like we don't have friends, then what can push us forward?  I guess the answer to that depends a lot on disposition. 

    Loneliness is experienced by all people at some point in life, and its effects can be fairly drastic.  I've been lonely in my life more than I care to admit.  I switched schools many times as a child, so when I finally settled at one school and had a well established group of friends for a number of years, parting with them (separated by cities, states, and simply schools) was probably one of the tougher things in life I had to work with.  I mean, after years of having the same friends and the same pool of people around, it's easy to forget how to make new friends when you already know who is and is not a friend.  So when I was once again thrown into a new environment come seventh grade, I was incredibly lonely.  It didn't help that it was middle school.  That time in life is particularly turbulent for socially insecure adolescents/pre-teens...So during those years I became much more introverted than I was before, and a good amount more shy/awkward.  But I spent a lot of introversion looking to see how I could learn to fit in more, or things like that.  In high school I experimented a little with watching television.  By watching Grey's Anatomy, I found that I was able to join conversations with people I hadn't been as comfortable with before, since I was able to have a small common ground.  Sure, it was substantial, but it was a foot in the door.

    But I digress.  Along the idea of loneliness, the main thing I wanted to say was that I'd like to offer my hand to anyone who might need it.  To my friends and family, I'm sure most of you already know that I am here for you, but sometimes it is nice to have things like that reiterated.  I know I may not always be the most rational, but I am open minded and am happy to listen or try to be there for you.  I may not express it explicitly or frequently, but I care a lot about you all, and things like your happiness matters more to me than things like my own happiness.  :]  Here's a song to you, just to remind you that I care:

      You Know Where to Find Me--Matthew West

    To my acquaintances and strangers, sometimes it is easier to talk to a total stranger because they have less on which to judge you; and at the same time, I suppose we can be more disposable that way too, since one can than choose to or not to continue talking to us, and with fewer emotional strings attached because of brief contact, the listener probably won't pursue the emotionally distressed if if given the impression that they are no longer needed.  I'm always happy to listen to people, and as I said before, I am fairly open minded and I am pretty good about being impartial so if you ever need to talk, or just vent, then know that you're not alone. :]  I'll try my best to make time, as long as I know I can help, or try. 

    I know a lot of times it is hard to believe that anyone will understand how you feel, and it might be true; but people can commiserate, and that is a way to remember you're not alone.  Also, don't underestimate the people around you; perhaps you are just good at hiding your true feelings...so people around you might not even know that you have wounds that you need help healing.  So sometimes you have to remember to reach out to other people in your times of trouble.  Vulnerability may seem like a weakness, but with it can come strength through things like fellowships.

    Swim -- Jack's Mannequin

    This song blocked out my thoughts of jumping out a window this summer. It means a lot to me, and I listen to it every time I feel down. I don't know how many more times I can recommend this song :) .

  • Happy Thanksgiving!

    One of the things I'm most grateful for today is that I am not a turkey.  Though the way my cat looks at me, I think I might be.  (Food?  Food?  Feed me? =^..^=)

    I'm also thankful of course for things like family, friends, the life I live (most of the times), etc. And Xanga! :)   Helps keep me sane!

  • So I'm slightly paranoid, and I'm often aware of numbers, whether I care about them or not. In this case I am applying it to Xanga sub/friend numbers, though that can apply to weight and play-counts of songs too.

    So the past few days I noticed the number of people I'm subscribed to had reached 80!  It's actually really hard to keep up with so many, so I'll admit, I don't read everything from everyone.  Also, not everyone of those 80 are active, otherwise I probably would go insane trying to keep up with so much.  But I keep the subscriptions in case one day one of those people will surprisingly post and entry and re-emerge here (so far I've gotten a few surprises, pleasant, one short lived since he's gone again, but the other :) :) :) ...hey Cecelia!)

    Anyhow, I noticed the number of people I am subbed to/the number of "friends" dropped by one.  And while I don't care about the number, in the sense that I'm not striving to have the highest number possible, I care because it makes me paranoid.  I start trying to figure, who just disappeared on me?  Did they delete their Xanga?  Did I do something wrong/did they block me?  Why did they do what they did, and are they okay?  It's hard to wade through the list and pin-point who is gone; but it isn't a lack of caring that makes it hard for me to figure out who, it's just that it's hard to keep track of so many people, especially when I don't actively or frequently interact with them.  (But even when I don't frequently interact, etc. that doesn't necessarily mean I don't care).

    It might be silly of me to think about all that so much, but I can't help it.  I don't really like when things disappear without warning (or disappear at all, for the most part). 

    Edit [Dec 16]: I think I figured out who it was.  Celestialteapot is gone. :O  He seemed to raise some interesting things when he wasn't being too pugnacious :P .  And he had super cool handwriting, if that matters at all.

  • Textbook

    The some words from the song "Textbook" by We Are Scientists reminds me a little of this xkcd (as everything in life can somehow be referred back to xkcd? It's weird...).

    Another textbook situation

    Everything I think I know I've read

    I promise I don't approach that sort of thing with calculus or any sort of math.  Though maybe a little with science.  Half kiddin'!

    I think I've posted this before, but it's one of my all time favorites:

    Thanksgivings is around the corner, and then oh my! Christmas, and who knows what might be found under that tree...like "Organic Chemistry for Dummies"?

  • Currently, what's your favorite song?

    Depends on my mood!
    [Song-Artist]
    Oxford Comma-Vampire Weekend makes me want to dance
    Swim-Jack's Mannequin when I am sad
    A Better Son/Daughter-Rilo Kiley when I need a pick-me-up
    Yeah Yeah-Sam Means when I want to just feel chill!  

    It's really hard to pick a single favorite; lately I've been super happy with Vampire Weekend, Radiohead, Matt Costa, and Owl City; probably because those are among my newer acquisitions.  Oh and The Beatles, on YouTube.

    I need some music that will help me focus instead of making me want to sing and dance.  Any recommendations? 

    I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

  • Veteran's Day is coming up...we centered our Red Cross Mtg on that this past Wednesday.
    I have a friend who was in the military; he said he served in Afghanistan more than once.  I was surprised he was around 5 years older than me!  I asked him a little about his time serving there.  It surprised me about how unfazed he seemed to be about it...he said a lot of the other soldiers cracked because they joined the military not thinking they would actually be needed.  Some how I can't imagine how much mental preparation would be enough to get me to fight for any of my ideas, or to fight in general, in the sense of war...

    Here's me with a few of my ARC USF chums:

    DSC_0106

    ...everyone there is so nice!  They've been pretty encouraging and said
    they could see differences in me since I joined (less shy/more
    outgoing).  I wonder what percent of that is me actually changing
    (could just be me being more comfortable?), as far as disposition is
    concerned.  I know that it has helped me work on my friendly/small-talk skills, since as an officer if I ever see any club member sitting alone at meetings it is my duty to go sit and talk with them.  It hasn't been easy, but it has been becoming easier. (:  Maybe I'll learn to crawl out of the shell that I have built around myself.  On Xanga, I'm the same person inside, but I'm much more communicative, because I can!  (It is also sort of like a diary, so I'm trying to be open/reflective anyways).


    (: I've had a marvelous weekend thus far, though I suppose I'll have to switch gears tomorrow, to study study study!

    Yesterday I went out for (belated-birthday) dinner with my friends to the Italian Kitchen Cafe in Brandon/Riverview. The decorations there were quite lovely.  I sort of wish we sat in a circular configuration instead of in a rectangular configuration since it is more conducive to conversation.  But nonetheless it was really fun. 

    DSC_0129DSC_0127
    DSC_0133

    Then we went over to Cecelia's (getting lost/bypassing roads a few times...fail!) where we played games like Catch-Phrase and pretty much had fun.   I have such awesome friends.  I remember this time last year I was sort of in a slightly anti-social slump so I was actually really unhappy here.  I also spent all my time studying.  This year, I spend time studying, I spend time with my friends, and I spend time being involved in activities.  My life is a lot more enriched, and I am a lot happier now at USF.  I've found some really good friends...sometimes I'm surprised about how close I feel to them despite the short amount of time I've known them. 

    (: !

    My family also stopped by today!  (: It is always nice seeing family, and mom brought me more delicious food!  I hope she wasn't offended though that I hadn't eaten a lot of what she made me before.  It's just I have to switch up what I eat everyday, so that equates to a slow consumption rate when she gives me large portions...She's leaving for Taiwan Wednesday.  She's going to go visit her mom, who isn't faring all that well right now. =  Sometimes I feel bad that we never really visit my mom-side grandma and yet we frequently visit my dad-side grandparents.  I feel like that way I didn't get much of a chance to take care of her as a good grandchild should, the way I can from time to time with my dad-side ones (i.e. supporting them when they walk, talking or hearing about their stories from more youthful days, or just offering my presence/showing I care).  But at the same time my father's parents took good care of him when he was growing up, while my mom's didn't really.  When thinking of it that way I feel of an urge to be as kind to them because it has caused her a lot of anguish...in some ways blame can't entirely be put on them either, because that is just how society was back then (in Asian culture male heirs were more desirable).  It's all a bunch of mixed feelings.  Another excuse would be the distance (LA versus Taiwan..; LA is significantly closer).  Hmm.


    On another note, unrelated hence the < hr >...
    New theme!  Rene Magritte!  (:  Recently my physiology professor put one of Magritte's works on his .ppt (Reproduction Prohibited, for the reproduction unit).  I was also reminded of him when talking to Cecelia recently.  My favorite work by him, and my favorite famous art piece, is The Human Condition.  I can't claim to understand it, but with art I think interpretation is largely up to the beholder. (:

    My profile picture is a spoof[?] off of The Pleasure Principle:

    the pleasure principle

    Sometimes I look up words that I'm confused about the exact meaning, but I'm not in the mood right now, but I think I might be using it right...maybe, so I attached a question mark to that.

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