September 3, 2011

• school

  Med school started a month ago, and life’s been so busy since…I can honestly say I have never studied this much and this frequently in my life.  I’ve been scared that the amount of studying I’ve been doing would burn me out.  But we have faculty here who remind us we need “mental health time”, time to pass doing things we enjoy outside of our studies. 

  And the folks in my college of med (COM) are quite interesting.  I haven’t met everyone yet, but from what I’ve seen I like everyone  I’ve met.  I’ve met some people and feel so at home with them in these few short weeks.  Family so soon?  Practically…and most of them seem really social too.  I’m amazed at how they’ve balanced their study/fun time, as many of them like to go out for drinks (frequently -_-”).  I’ve gone to a couple social events, but not too many.  With so little time I feel like I’ve been put in a position where I have to start considering what things to keep in my life, and which to cut out.  Like one second year (MSII) told me she gave up TV last year so she could have time to socialize and study.  I really enjoy the TV shows I keep up with though (and the season hasn’t started yet so it hasn’t been a distraction).  Sometimes I feel like TV is one of those easy venues to feel more connected with the world…as odd as it sounds.  It’s just it’s an easy topic to talk about, and it’s easier to identify people with similar senses of humor or interest if they’re interested in some overlapping shows.  That could just me being socially lazy sometimes; but I don’t know, a lot of people do choose their shows according to interest, i.e. HIMYM, is hilarious, but I could see a bunch of hopeless romantics loving it; Big Bang Theory, maybe nerdy kiddos (but still funny if not nerdy), etc. It would be hard for me to give up those shows, but it’s definitely more important to not lose touch of reality and friends over stuff like that (obviously).

  I’ve been mostly trying to keep up with (besides studying): 1) eating (with friends–2 in 1, eat and social), 2) a little exercise (kayak, stretching, maybe soccer, if I can bring myself to play again), 3) creative stuff, whether artsy or cooking/trying-to-bake.  Staying sane!  And a little lurking online …

   

   

   

  On a more serious note though, it’s amazing how much we learn here…it’s exhilarating and exhausting.

  This summer I visited my grandmother in Taiwan; and she isn’t doing well at all.  In fact, she’s been in a comatose state for over a year due to having undetected and multiple strokes.  Well, she’s been basically paralyzed since then too.  I remember trying to hold her hands, but they were contorted and bent over, as if gripping her fists.  It saddened me, and I had hoped that perhaps I could soften her hands or grip, maybe by warming them–perhaps no one had tried to keep her hands limber by moving them…so maybe I could pry them gently.  But her hands wouldn’t budge.  And I didn’t want to push too hard.  I only had time to visit twice, but both times I tried to keep them warm, and pry gently, but no avail.

  Well, we’ve been learning about the musculoskeletal system, and I learned about something called contractures while learning about muscular dystrophy.  Basically the joint/muscles shorten permanently, i.e. from the muscles being too tight/contracted.  Usually to avoid this physically therapy is required, and it can be relieved only with surgery, but even then it is almost always irreversible.  And the professors (was co-taught by three folks that day) said that once contractures occur, the person is basically doomed.

   

  My heart dropped when I heard that, but I guess it is something I was expecting anyways, depressing as it is. 

  Sometimes I feel like learning more and more means destroying more and more of my childish hopes to heal others; it’s hard to admit defeat, knowing that some things are just irreversible.  So many maladies; many, with so little hope.

  But then there are also many with hope, and that’s just something I’ll have to keep in mind.

  • 2:08 pm
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