January 21, 2010

  • Some thoughts

    There's an article on Yahoo!® titled:

    "How not to feel humiliated when dining alone"

    Why do people feel humiliated when eating alone in public?  I know when I was younger it bothered me, but I actually like it now.  I guess back then I didn't want to seem like I might be friendless.  But why worry now?  I know I have friends, so why should I care what random person A thinks of me?  They probably don't even think anything of it.  I don't think I've ever seen someone sitting alone and thought any less of them?  I might actually think they're cooler actually. :)   It's nice to find quitet time during these bustling days.  Being around so many people constantly actually saps a lot of energy out of me.  O_O

    I sort of want to get a Netbook...not because it's cute, in fact I like having space on my keyboard and all that.  But I'm just weird about my stuff.  My laptop isn't new or old (1.5 year?).  I noticed a clicking sound on my laptop dearest when I was shutting the lid and for some reason that made me totally flip out, on the inside of course.  I'm generally pretty collected/reserved?  It also bothers me a lot that the left click button is getting sticky from overuse.  Also, the other day I unplugged my laptop and had it at the dimmest setting possible.  It *died* after 48 minutes.  The battery is failing me--48 minutes isn't enough to last through an entire lecture, even the short ones here (short=50 minutes...but when it's organic, 50 minutes=eternity?  Just kidding, sometimes).  I know it's my own fault for leaving it plugged in all the times, but otherwise it just gets dim and either gives me a headache (dim light does that to me a lot), or just is hard to see.  A Netbook isn't too expensive, and the batteries should last longer, so it would be nice to get one.  But having two laptops might be excessive for a college student?  I mean with a lot of classes I take notes the old-fashioned way anyways (esp classes like organic where I spend half the time drawing structures or graphs or other stuff x_x).  But it'd still be nice to be able to take my laptop out somewhere without it having to be plugged into a wall or something.  And adding a battery pack might solve the power problem, but the portability is greatly diminished.  Mehhhh.

    I feel like I have been happy but really down at the same time lately.  I hope it isn't making me seem moody.  But from time to time I just want to rip this heart to shreds.  :'(  I live a decent life, but some days are so meh and FML-esque, and for no good reasons either?  Why should I have to convince myself that I am happy, why can't I just be?

Comments (22)

  • i feel humiliated when i eat alone and i see people i know around =P i go on my phone acting like i am talking to somebody.

  • OH YEAH i saw an article on yahoo today that said something like "how to dine alone". i think it's so much better when you eat alone cause i like to enjoy my food. i don't like having to talk while i eat. i can't enjoy both at the same time. maybe that's why i can't multitask LOL.

    i want a netbook too! but not too much cause i just got a new laptop last year. plus i don't really carry around it. maybe i'm more of a PC person...?

    the last one... I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL! don't worry. you WILL be happy :)

  • Keeping it plugged in will make the battery last longer, actually. The battery only has a certain number of charge cycles.

  • Oh, and good job at becoming more self-confident.

  • @sonychak - oh yeah, that is a little awkward/uncomfy.  -_-  I used to bring my laptop everywhere last year to look busy when I felt awkward.  Or I'd just dig in my bag and pretend not to have noticed them?? O_o

    either sputtering (eww) or I just gesticulate wildly...or I forget what I was going to say -_-...I'm not too good with multitaskign either, lol!!

    (: thanks (:

  • @phantomFive - Hmm...maybe I've recharged it too much -_-. 

    & Thanks :)   It's been a long term goal that I'm mostly failing at, but I guess there's a little success, right?  Or maybe that's just part of growing up--enjoying alone time?  Eh, either way, I can eat alone and be a-okay :) (and yay, rhyming).  Lol.

  • john just got a netbook. they're really cute and handy, and actually have decent storage options for hard drives and exceptional battery life. they can't run everything you could want and more, but they'll take notes and they keys usually aren't minute and hard to type on. worthwhile imo.

  • ya, I think most laptop batteries these days get around 300 charges before they start dying. But if you only run the battery half-way out, and then charge it up, it only counts as a half charge, which is kind of nice.

    Actually, even though we live far apart and only talk through xanga, I feel like you have gotten better since I met you. I can't really say how, maybe just a little more independent

  • So our battery life diminishes when we leave it plugged in too long? Sigh. My computer is like three years old and the battery life now is around 40-45 minutes. It's useless to go anywhere with my laptop unless I will be near a wall plugged in. I want to get a new laptop, especially now that I am working (I can save up for it ), but I would feel guilty because this laptop is nowhere near being dead yet (I hope I didn't jinx it haha). I want to max out its usefulness before I get a new one :/.

    I didn't mind eating alone until my best friend pointed out to me that eating alone was sad. I think that's when I thought about it more and actually became sad when I ate alone lol. But honestly, I don't feel like it's a big deal. Eating with a friend is nice, but eating alone and having alone time is also nice too. I don't mind it anymore, but of course, if I have a chance to spend quality time with someone over yummy food, I'll go for it :) .

    I understand how you feel. Sometimes I feel unhappy, and when I reflect upon it further, it is more like discontentment. No matter how good things go for us, I think we're still searching for something greater, something more meaningful, just something. I can't say what it is, but it just always feel like there's something missing. It's insatiable. I can't explain it, but I always never feel totally satisfied with life. Maybe that the source of our unhappiness?

    I truly do hope you feel better though :]

  • Dining out alone is kind of boring, but I don't mind eating by myself. Just food.

  • I don't like eating alone if I'm going somewhere decent >_<;;. I wouldn't mind if it were just like McDonalds or something where you don't have to interact with anyone.

    45 minute physical chemistry lectures last FOREVER.

    As for your laptop, your battery's kinda messed up now :/ but I hear if you take the battery out while you plug it in, you won't kill your battery. Then again, if the power cuts or you accidentally pull your cable out, it instantly switches off >_<;;. Risky. I just keep mine plugged in, battery seems to be doing okay...

    I hope you can be happy, you sure deserve to be. I understand how you feel though, I feel like I have to act happy for the people around me. Even if they act supportive, they grow tired of it and it's just draining on everyone if I'm sad, so I act happy.

  • Thanks for worrying. :P

    I used to feel really awkward about eating alone but then again I eat too fast with other people so I'm usually just waiting or chatting away while they're finishing up. So now, I just down my meals usually alone save for a snack or two or the situation really calls for it.

    Go for the netbook - try getting one with a screen that's not too hard to read from and the keys are not too cramped up. I'd go with a dell or azus, HP just stinks on laptops and computers. Lol. If you can afford it, a sony is great too. Carry a jump/thumb drive if you need extra storage.

    I'm sorry you feel moody at times, you just let out your negative feelings. Sometimes I just blow off steam by throwing stuff around or give the punching bag a few rounds. Might help, it diminishes those bad feelings and makes you genuinely happy. :)

  • Hey I have a netbook. It's an HP mini 1000 and I bring it to school to take history notes. My friend has the Asus one but the keyboard isn't as big. The HP netbook has the largest keyboard in the Netbook category (from what I know) and that was why I got it. I would've gotten a Dell 9 because it's cuter but I think the HP was thinner. I say get one because it's definitely really portable. I work with the lighting full on and it lasts for like 2 hours. I think it's awesome but one of the problems I had was that all the notes had to be saved on a thumbdrive since I wanted to access the files on the netbook and main computer at home. Using a thumbdrive made me pretty insecure I guess and backing it up all the time gets annoying.

    meh..about eating alone. yea. it's external validation. i don't like eating alone because looking at all the people chattering around me makes me feel lonely :( ...

  • Haha, I read that article too! I don't really mind eating by myself...I don't think I ever felt weird about it until someone mentioned that they didn't like eating alone. I dunno, I end up finishing quicker and I don't have to worry about keeping up convos :P Awkward silences are...awkward haha

    Netbooks are sooo tiny! Although they ARE very portable. I know someone who has 3 computers right now [desktop, laptop, netbook] so it's not too excessive if you get a netbook. Plus, they are relatively cheap from what I've seen-but then again, I don't really know much about computers so who knows if they were any good.

    Last part-I feel that way a lot of the time. Although it's not really a happy/down but more...neutral. Maybe that's why Christian says that I have no soul--I'm emotionless sometimes [hopefully it's just a phase?]

  • @Bonzai_Nekona & @sunday_dreams -  Ah, you both made netbooks sound really a bunch more awesome! I'm really bad with keeping up with thumbdrives though, hehe, so I'll probably have to try e-mailing everything to myself, or uploading it online, or something. -_-'! Thanks for the suggestions (:!

    @sunday_dreams - Yeah, that's true. -_- But then every once in a while being alone makes it nice for eavesdropping...which is a habit I should probably break, haha. >_>! I actually overheard someone today grumbling at someone else for eavesdropping. Oops 0:D!

  • @phantomFive - At the Bill Nye lecture I went to, he was talking about how one of the breakthroughs that we need to make is the improvement of the efficiency of batteries (in general, not just laptop). (: It would be nice...(grumble grumble). I don't feel like I've unplugged my laptop over 300 times so that it would have needed to become recharged that many times...it's almost always plugged in. -_-

    Maybe it's all the reflecting I've been forced to do (:. I actually think that some people on Xanga can probably get a better idea of who I am than people in regular life. Prob because I say more here than in person. >_> I guess people here in Xangaland, like you, are more observant that acquaintances, (maybe it's just because they don't care, haha) (:

  • oh, Bill Nye, cool!

  • @Roadlesstaken -  But there are so many people that you can observe! :D ! But then that might come off as creepy, lol. Guess how intently one were to watch someone? >_>! It can get pretty boring though, esp if it's the same scene every day (the joys of being back at school -_-).

  • @cal_islander - Maybe it's just a myth? But my battery seriously used to last longer, so maybe not. -_- Wah!!! Wish it'd just keep working like it did when new! It still works quickly and all, processing-wise! T_T! Hopefully your laptop will stop being troublesome also. It's like everytime I bring it to a meeting, I have to get to the meeting location early so I can find an outlet before everyone else does! :[ Grr!! Lol.

    True true!! Food and company is always nice :) ; but food can be overpowering, hehe. (Too delicious --> silence!) ;) ! Hahahhaha. I'm just afraid to eat in public sometimes too though, since I'm afraid to sputter food if I get to excited and feel the need to talk, or I'm afraid to choke briefly on the food (always awkward, lol), or just make a mess all over my face, lol. XD! So if I eat alone sometime it makes me happy since it makes me think that the chances that I am being watched decreases, maybe?

    Thank you, Hedwig! You always leave very meaningful comments...(: Sometimes I have to take a break from reflecting about myself for those reasons...because then I just think about all the things that a wrong with me that I want to change and I just get really meh! (: But then no self-reflection would just be weird feelings, since I've always spent a lot of time thinking about the things I do O_O. I wonder if there's a way to be just happy! (: It's hard to stay super positive for super long though. -_-

  • @whoosh90 - (Separate box again! ;) Lol, I usually do it all separately anyways, but sometimes I get lazy, or my comment is similar for a buncha people, ya know?)

    Hmm! I never really thought about how location might affect how I felt when dining alone. But what you said totally makes sense! It's easier to tune people out in more populous places, so I guess it would attract less attention at places like McD's. :D

    Yeah, people used to see me as a sunshine-y girl. I kind of wonder if I am still that way. I feel like I complain a lot more here then in regular life, maybe. (: I used to never share with anyone anything when I was sad, because I was afraid I would drag them all down too. But then my sister told me that it was actually hurting people like her own feelings because then I was giving them a chance to feel like a good friend since she/they couldn't help me feel better. & also sharing personal stuff is sort of a trust building thing, so I guess since then I've been trying to share more, but not too much..don't want to be draining. So don't be afraid to lean on friends a little when you need to though :) (I'm here if you ever need, lol! But you know that). :)

  • I know, it's sad to be restricted to sitting near an outlet for something that is supposed to be "mobile" haha. I hope both our laptops continue to work for us :) (Funny, today at work, my co-worker was asking me how long to charge a laptop and I told her the whole don't leave it plugged in too long or else the battery life will decrease myth. It reminded me of our conversation :) Speaking of that, my laptop's been plugged in for a while now while I've been on Xanga...ooops lol.

    I think sometimes even eating alone though can attract attention. Or maybe it's just me haha. When I eat alone, I usually look around and watch those who eat alone (in a subtle, non stalkerish way of course haha). So I may be able to catch a sputtering of food, or catch a messy face hehe. I guess I just really like people watching and observing. Though I should stop, I wouldn't want to make any poor person feel uncomfortable :( . I'd never do this if people are with me cause I don't want them to think I'm not paying attention to them hehe, but I like what you said, if the food is too yummy, there won't be conversation anyway haha. I don't know why, but when I'm at a restaurant, I love drinking a lot of water. And it's not just a 'drink water to avoid awkward silences during a conversation' strategy. I can drink 6 to 8 glasses in one sitting. Every time a waiter or waitress refills my water, I'm most likely done with it very soon hehe. My sister said that there's a belief that those whose zodiac sign is the fish (I forgot which one was this :( ) are water logged because their animal is an aquatic creature, but Scorpios (whose creature, the Scorpio, lives in scorching hot weather) don't consume a lot of water at all. But aha! I am Scorpio and I love water! So that puts her theory to rest hehe. Maybe my zodiac sign/animal should be a sea turtle. I love turtles (and not just those of the ninja variety hehe) =). [I really hope I made sense, if I didn't, sorry! hehe.]

    Oy, I killed your comment box with such a long comment, sorry >_<. I hope you are feeling better--more 'up' than 'down' :) . I think what you do, self-reflecting, is good to do from time to time. Hopefully though we won't let it distract us from noticing all the great things that might be around us (especially people :) ). Maybe we will never be able to satisfy that thing missing in our lives, so maybe having day to day, temporary happiness is good? Maybe life is supposed to be made up of many tiny happy and satisfying moments woven intricately together than one giant thing that makes us happy and satisfied. Either way, I hope you find some happiness Melinda :)

    Okay, comment over hehe.

  • @phosphor_stars - 

    Usually I do it all in a box X3 cos most of the comments are short ones and only need short replies anyways :) . I think seperate box makes people feel special-er though? ^^

    *nodnod*. Say it's only you, and one couple eating in a restaurant...I don't know about you, but I'd find that pretty awkward ^^;;.

    Mmm...I think of you as sunshiney! To me you seem like a really lovely friendly person ^___^. You don't really complain that much though :/...I really hadn't noticed or thought that you were moaning or anything...so feel free to complain more if needs be ^^. I'm here for you too :) ! I don't think I'd blog about any sad things though...I mean...not everyone wants to hear it. Usually I'll talk to people about those sorta things on private chat nowadays, more people have gotten to know my xanga. So...if you add me on aim maybe I will bug you with my problems sometime :) . Even though they're silly X3.

    Yeahhh I know what you mean though. I've found some people will listen...to an extent. Then it's like...I'd feel bad for saying so much too ^^;; and I can tell they would rather me just act happy...so I do. I wonder if you do that too? Thank you so much for your offer though :) it meant a lot to me <3. I'm here for you too ^^.

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