October 5, 2009

• So I need a little advice from anyone who might come across this. 

  There's this guy on Xanga who has been talking to me a lot recently.  He seems nice, but with most people I feel pretty trusting by nature, but for some reason I can't find myself trusting him.  He hasn't really said anything to me personally to make me not trust him, but just things here and there just make me uncomfortable.

  For example, this is written in his profile:

  

  Red flags 1: manipulation, sex
  Red flags 2: Can't live without a brush?  Prized possessions, "NUTS!"...

  Then he keeps sending me a million messages a day, which I don't mind, but as an introvert I feel like my bubble is kind of being violated!  I know it is hypocritical, and terrible, but I like when people initiate talk sometimes, but sometimes I like space and to be the one who approaches too.  But he approaches me too much, and when that happens I get stressed out. It makes me want to retreat and block him, but that would be really unkind of me.
   
  I don't mean to violate privacy by posting his messages here, since there's probably a reason why he chooses to private message me instead of commenting publically, but his messages sometimes make me uncomfortable. 

  

  (For me, it seems like a billion, since there are several a day and I feel bad when I don't respond but it is stressing me out. 

  And then he has asked me a few times to sing, but I don't want to sing for you!! I like singing, but not in public or for the public...I've only sang for maybe 2 people outside of my family.  It's not that I refuse to sing in public--hey, if there are other people singing I'm totally cool with it; it's just slightly outside of my comfort zone, and for some one I met maybe a week ago?  Stop pressuring me!!!).

  For example:

  

  Yes, he is right when he says "It's okay to think, talk, or comment about sex."  Sure, I can laugh at that sort of stuff, and I can talk about it too, but quite frankly he is still very much a stranger to me.  And, I don't want to be a total prude, but 1) I'm not a fan of raunchy humor, 2) I am definitely not turned on by that sort of stuff (etc.) 3) I think things like sex are semi-sacred, sure it is awkward and maybe fun and fun to laugh about, but I would save that sort of talk for someone I was very comfortable with and very emotionally attached/close to.  Because otherwise it is cheapened in some ways.

  I guess one of the things that bothers me is that I don't really know him well enough, but he seems to think that I have a good understanding of him, he keeps trying to tell me to do things/reassure me about them (sing, comment, etc.) but I don't know him well enough to be doing such a thing, and I don't entirely trust him, so that kind of is affecting my entire mind frame every time he interacts with me.  I feel bad because when he writes he seems fairly honest and tells me a lot, but he's just the type of person that makes me slow to trust.  (You know how some people just seem really genuine or forthright so it is hard to not trust?  Those people I'd trust in an instant.  & that is how most of the people I have encountered on Xanga seem.  But he doesn't have that effect on me).

  So basically I want to know, where can I draw a line to decide when someone is truly invading my bubble, and exactly how I should proceed with this sort of thing? Any advice would be appreciated. n_n  I feel a little bad for being so distrustful.  =

  • 4:04 pm
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