September 27, 2009
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(Rambling update)
Today I went to the library in the morning to work on my lab report for physiology. Which reminds me why I almost never go to our library.
--The lighting in most areas makes me dizzy since it is usually fairly dim
--I was attacked by ants--on the fifth floor
--There really weren't that many sources I couldn't find online instead. Though there is a certain feeling that comes with using really books (you know, a romantic good ol'-days feeling?)...
--When I have been there, people on their phones sometimes disturbed me (it is bad, but a lot of the times I can't help eavesdropping o_o); so naturally when I got a call today I panicked, because I didn't want to be a nuisance, but at the same time I didn't want to pack all my stuff to get a call (otherwise my stuff might be stolen >_>). Panicked is an overstatement, but I can't think of a word right now.In my own room I have the luxury of playing my music aloud and occasionally singing; food without ant problems (so far, anyways), good lighting, etc. But there are distractions everywhere that often wipe my mind from the task I had at hand.
Yesterday I went to Walgreens and when I was checking out, I handed the cashier the Weekly Ad so they could reuse it. He said that he didn't need it, and I could just keep it, so I set it down (to pay) and told him I'd just put it back where I got it from myself. After paying and the cashier trying to elicit some facial expressions from me (he pretended to break one of my items, just to see if I'd make a sad face or something), I picked up the Ad and put it back. He seemed really surprised and said he was betting with himself that I would have forgotten.I'm usually really good about keeping my word; I do what I say I will do, or if not I'll warn ahead of time or I'll [try to] make amends. I would never want to be associated as the type of person who just blah-blahs and says they'll do things and not do them. >_> I try hard to be reliable because it helps establish a sense of trust--for other people, but also for myself. I establish myself as a person who is approximately the same inside and out, though I can't say I am constant. I am constant in belief, but in behavior I take on something similar to the chameleon effect. If I find the person to be talkative, I'm a good listener; quiet, I talk a little more (try to lessen awkwardness; though a lot of times silence is also quite comfortable).
I am also very transparent. A lot of the things I think or feel are often manifested in my facial expression or how I might respond verbally (tone/inflection/hesitance). It is rare that I say anything that I don't mean, and when I do it generally pertains to things that I don't think matter that much anyways, or is rather sensitive to personal opinion (i.e. fashion, not saying I don't care, it's just since everyone's styles differ, we're entitled to different opinions, and I wouldn't want to suppress/sway someone's true opinion; it's not like it harms anyone [?]). So essentially I never mislead intentionally (I just try to be evasive!), and so whatever someone sees or hears from me is generally what I think/feel, no over-analysis necessary.
That was actually one of the major problems I had with my ex. There were some things that he would want me to semi-psychoanalyze about him, when I'd rather him just tell me outright. A lot of times I over think things and it induces a lot of stress.
So it isn't that I'm dense and don't like to think, it's just that it could reduce my stress by just being clear.
Today I went to a BBQ, but I'd rather write (details) about that later. It was for women interested in surgery, and it made me quite excited. I have a long, long road ahead of me; not even close! But there are things that I have to keep in mind and not let my troubles cloud my vision.Sometimes I feel like I allow school to turn off the curiosity and excitement of learning. Instead, because of all the stress of deadlines and homework, I end of associating the stuff I learn with STRESS, STRESS, & STRESS. If only we could slow down and learn these things at a leisurely pace. And also taking things so seriously also takes out some of the fun. =
Hmm!
Comments (6)
haha sounds like you are the boy and your ex was the girl. I agree, the easiest way is to just be yourself, although I have found it can sometimes be embarrassing when 'being yourself' means you just want to sit there and glare at everyone
I'm a pretty expressive person too. It has it's drawbacks at times.
@phantomFive -
I'm not quite sure if I should take that as a good or bad thing >_>. But he was so complicated, though he always said he was quite simple. I beg to differ. I am not that simple either, but at least I am clear! >:O
I don't mind being talkative--it doesn't always require that much effort; but then again a lot of the times I just deprecate the importance of my own thoughts. (but a lot of times that's because I don't have anything incredibly insightful or witty to say). D:!
@Roadlesstaken -
haha, like those open mouth insert foot moments? XD?
@loves_mud -
Indifferent thing......in general I think the differences between men and women disappear as we overcome our weaknesses and sillinesses, but in this particular case, women tend to be the ones who want their boyfriend to just understand what they mean.
@phantomFive -
well I would think that in any relationship one of the main points is to be able to know and understand the other person more and more (then can you really say you love someone just for them, right?).
But yeah, I guess women often are the ones who tend to be all complicated & unclear; just like how we sometimes ask questions sometimes with an desired answer in mind? and wrong answer --> velociraptor (re: the brontosaurus xkcd).